3994 - Saturday jokes

If you ever feel like your job is meaningless or without purpose, just remember...
That someone out there is installing turn signals on a BMW.


I bought my wife a refrigerator for Christmas.
I can't wait to see her face light up when she opens it.


There is a guy who wakes up at 5 am and rides a bicycle until noon every weekend. He does this no matter what - regardless of rain, snow, or thunder.
One day, however, the conditions are just too bad for him to ride his bike. There is a thick hail, brutal winds, and very slippery ice patches. Finally, after an hour, he decides to go home.
He lies down next to his wife, who is asleep and says: "The weather is terrible outside."
Half awake the wife replies: "And to think that my idiot husband is outside riding his bicycle."


A blonde, brunette, and a redhead are all in the 9th Grade. Which one is the sexiest?
The blonde, because she's the only one who's 18.


When checking out at the grocery store, I always pick the cashier who’s most likely to have sex with me. I always end up at the self check out.


What's the difference between a little kid and a lesbian?
A little kid shouldn't run with scissors and a lesbian shouldn't scissor with the runs.


My missus was furious at me for kicking dropped ice-cubes under the refrigerator.
But now it's just water under the fridge.


I just read an article titled, "100 Things To Do Before You Die".
I was quite surprised that, "Yell for help!" wasn't one of them.


My wife said wanted something shiny that went from 0-180 in under 2 seconds.
So I gave her a scale.


I can count on one hand the amount of times I’ve been to Chernobyl.
It's 14.


I tried to explain to my 4 year old son it’s perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants.
But he’s still making fun of me.