H1 - What's an orgasm?
H2 - When you fold paper to look like birds and stuff.
H3 - Gurl, that's oregano.
From Nextdoor: There’s a homeless/unhorsed person who has created a “camp” at Valcour & Heege in Affton.
"Ever been to sea, Billy?"
"No, Captain Hindgrinder."
"Then meet your bunkmates, Ben Dover and Phil McCracken." (Tundra Bunny via Debra)
Who knew that in America's ugly divorce, the liberals would get custody of the NFL, the true teachings of Jesus, and the second amendment.
I should do something with my life...
maybe tomorrow.
JD Vance placed candles outside Hooters where ICE agents were heckled.
In a recent interview, tRUMP paused, tapped his head, and struggled to recall the word Alzheimer's.
Cannonballs used to be stored aboard ship on piles, on a triangular brass frame or tray called a brass monkey, three on the bottom, one in the middle on top. In very cold weather the brass would contract, spilling the cannonballs all over the deck. Hence very cold weather is "cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey".
Sign on machine:
WARNING
Moving parts present serious risk to dicks.
DO NOT PUT DICK IN MACHINERY.
Him:
INSTRUCTIONS UNCLEAR!
DICK STUCK IN MACHINERY!
How many chefs do you think were executed in medieval times because the King's food tester had a food allergy?
Let's do a drone light show over an uncontacted tribe and become their gods.
Sign on door to classroom:
The spider infestation has been mostly resolved.
I feel like I’ve experienced more historical events since 2025 than we were actually required to learn about in school.
MAGAts are caught in a loop. Climate change is a hoax but we need Greenland because of climate change which a hoax.
Wind chimes are made from the metallic bones of robots that tried to overthrow us.
Hang them outside as a warning to others.
How prior authorizations work...
My doctor: You need this medicine.
Dr. to pharmacy: She needs this medicine.
Pharmacy to insurance: Her doctor says she needs this medicine.
Insurance: Does she really? Let's ask her doctor.
The only thing flat-earthers fear is, sphere itself.
Cows farts are dangerous.
They need cattlelitic converters.
The five-second rule does not apply if you have a two-second dog.
Happy Semiquincentennial Anniversary Year, USA!
Even though... The US Constitution dates to 1789. The Articles of Confederation date to 1777. The American Revolutionary War began in 1775 and ended in 1783.
The internet used to come through the phone and it sounded like screaming robots.
Sure grandpa, let's get you to bed.
The MAGAt loop on Greenland is hysterical. And sad.
ReplyDeleteAnd true!
DeleteSo many good ones, but America's ugly divorce one is sadly true, it seems.
ReplyDeleteIt is.
DeleteI was talking about "olden times" with the grands-like phones hanging on the wall, then replaced by something without a cord but still tied to being used around the house. The 'internet robots' would have been another good example.
ReplyDeleteThere are too many good examples that are long gone... almost. I still have a landline or as I call it, a real telephone.
DeleteOh, and I remember the screaming robots. I can still hear them.
DeleteThe Second Amendment. Ironic indeed.
ReplyDeleteI don't know how many times I've thought about buying an ar15 with silencer and scope when these things happen.
DeleteI knew about the brass monkey, and all the others made me smile.
ReplyDeleteA smile makes the day go better. Especially if your balls froze off.
ReplyDeleteGood ones; thanks! Especially like the two second dog.
ReplyDeleteI think dogs can hear food falling through the air.
DeleteThanks Mike 😁
ReplyDeleteThanks back. 😁
Delete