The joke was on me yesterday. The PC started acting up again and I got lost in troubleshooting and forgot what day it was.
So, here they are!
Yard sale...
Me: How much for the angry lawn gnome?
Yard sale lady: That's my toddler.
As an outsider, what are your views on intelligence.
I wish I lacked common sense, you seem so happy.
You state the obvious with such a sense of discovery.
It's interesting how you never let facts get in the way of your opinion.
I admire your courage to speak in the absence of knowledge.
Between you and me, one of us is smarter than you.
The acoustics in your head must be incredible.
You have the unshakable confidence that usually comes with competence.
I love how much smarter I feel with I walk away from a conversation with you.
I guess common sense isn't a flower that blooms in every garden.
You might be the only person I've ever met that has reached their full potential.
A defense attorney was questioning an eyewitness of a crime that took place at night. The attorney tries to discredit the witness by asking him, “Just how far can you see at night?”. The man says, “Well.., I can see the moon, how far is that?”
The day they handed out patience, I left because it was taking too long. (Bilbo)
We didn’t live in a world of nonstop “rigged elections” and “fake news” until that orange fucking clown convinced 30% of the country to make it their entire personality.
Melania's documentary had a score of 10% on Rotten Tomatoes, which is a website named after her husband's testicles.
I helped a Nazi cover-up their swastika tattoo today. Looking at it now you'd never know it was there, pretty wild what six feet of dirt can do.
I was walking down the street in Seattle and saw a couple of Budweiser cans thrown into a bush. And I said to a random stranger walking nearby, "Damn, the local beer harvest is really poor this year". And the random stranger responded, "Give it time, they're only buds".
I ran out of clean socks. So I piled the dirty socks on a tray, grabbed the detergent and headed to the laundromat down the block, a steep hill.
As I was walking down the hill, I slipped and fell. The dirty socks went flying, the detergent went flying and there I was, sitting on the sock by the tray, watching the Tide roll away.
I thank the universe every day that I wasn't born dumb enough, evil enough, insecure enough, and hateful enough to have grown up to become a Trump supporter.
"Leave the peach cobbler in the kitchen alone," mother said, going upstairs.
But I couldn't help myself. I sneaked in and watched him.
Watched him make his stupid little peach shoes, taunting.
"Nobody's going to wear those," I'd say. "They're stupid."
But on he worked.
The fact that jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains gives hope to many people. (Bilbo)
Hey MAGA, In 2016, Macedonian teens ran a simple A/B test. They pushed fake news to the Left and the Right. The Left didn't convert. The Right? The metrics exploded. You aren't soldiers in a digital war, you are a "dream customer" for foreign grifters. It's not a movement, it's a business model, and the data shows you are the easiest mark in the global economy.
I might not put the sparkle in your eyes but I'll definitely put the "WTF" wrinkles in your forehead. (Bilbo)
Trump (end of April): "I have some of the best poll numbers I've ever had."
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Last night I asked my husband to help me prepare for a big job interview and he said, "Sure!".
He comes into the living room wearing a blazer, cup of coffee in hand, greeted me with a character voice, AND mispronounced my name.
A Black man was elected President even after being held to impossibly high standards.
In retaliation racists organized and elected a white man who was held to no standards at all.
“You wouldn’t hate Trump if he was a Democrat.”
Dude, Donald Trump was a Democrat for most of his life and we hated him so much he had to switch parties to get supporters.
What kind of doctor is Dr. Pepper?
A fizzician!
Male and female Lion: He says to her, "Can you roar without first shouting 'I am woman hear me roar'".
If you believe that teaching about god in public schools will improve people's morality, you first need to explain why it doesn't work in a church. (Bilbo)
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