6653 - Long joke Sunday

A man and woman were married for many years. 

Whenever there was a confrontation, yelling could be heard deep into the night. 

The old man would shout, "When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life! 

Neighbors feared him. 

The old man liked the fact that he was feared. 

Then one evening, he died when he was 88. 

After the burial, her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked, "Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way out of the grave and haunt you for the rest of your life? 

The wife said, " Let him dig. I had him buried upside down ... and I know he won't ask for directions.

6652 - Saturday jokes

What did the grass seed say to the top soil?

We be lawn together.

Me: Did you know protons have mass?

Him: Ya ... atomic weight is the

number of protons plus the

number of neutrons ... electrons are so

small that they "don't have

mass", but they technically

do it's just so tiny that it

doesn't really weigh anything.

Me: .... I didn't even know they were catholic ...

Me: Your science ruined my joke.

Her: I went out with a guy that said he was sapiosexual.

Sapiosexual means the person is only attracted to smart people.

If you didn't know what that meant, don't worry about it.

You will not find a better example of an "easily triggered snowflake" than Donald J. Trump.

Everybody knows that mirrors don’t lie … I’m just grateful they don’t laugh. (Bilbo)

My wife told me about a dessert which has espresso poured over vanilla ice cream. 

I asked her the name of it, but she said she forgot.

(Affogato)

A few weeks ago it took me longer than is probably acceptable to realize that the reason the elevator wasn’t moving is because I was pushing the button for the floor I was already on.

IF KIDS GOT RAPED AT DENNY'S AS MUCH AS THEY GET RAPED AT CHURCH, IT WOULD BE ILLEGAL TO TAKE YOUR KIDS TO DENNY'S.

(facepalm)

Guy's a theist but a question has stuck with

him for a while now but he has definitely not

researched anything about it. He want to ask

because he saw a lot of fascinating things

today.

The question: if the meteorite showers

killed all dinosaurs, I presuppose it ended

all life forms. And if it did how can life still

come again on this planet? Because I

assume that life is random based on an

atheists view and for it to happen on this

same planet is really suspicious.

I’ve decided to sell my vacuum cleaner. All it’s been doing is gathering dust. (Bilbo)

When my son graduated from high school, he had to give a speech.

He began by reading from his prepared text.

"I want to talk about my mother and the wonderful influence she has had on my life", he told the audience.

"She is a shining example of parenthood, more than words could ever do justice."

At this point, he seemed to struggle for words, and after a pause, he looked up with a sly grin and said, "Sorry, but it's really hard to read my mother's handwriting."

The worst part of living with my wife is that I'm also living with all her intrusive thoughts. 

Like last night as we were falling asleep I said, "I hope that you sleep well". 

And then through the darkness she replied, "I hope that whenever I die you die at the exact same time".

I see that M&M has decided to add an “alpha male” version to it’s classic candy - it’s all-white, extra bitter, melts down when mixed with differently-colored M&Ms, and has no nuts. (Bilbo)

Caller: Hi, is this Dan with the aluminum LS1 engine on Craigslist?

Dan: Yes it is.

Caller: Would you take $200 cash for it today?

Dan: $250 and it's yours.

Caller: $225

Dan: $230 and a 10 piece McNuggets.

Caller: That's the best counter offer I've ever heard. What kind of sauce do you want?

I don't think inside the box.

I don't think outside the box.

I don't even know where the box is.

6651 - Thursday trees

A mixture today of Bilbo and me trees.

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6650 - Scott MacFarlane

I thought I would look this up since the White Housers are picking on Scott MacFarlane right now for signing up with https://substack.com/@meidastouch. 

AI Overview

While a total, permanent shutdown of the global internet is technically impossible for a U.S. President, Donald Trump could legally attempt to disrupt or shut down internet access within the U.S. or in specific regions. This authority stems from an obscure 1934 law, the Communications Act of 1934 (Sec. 706, 47 USC 606), which allows for shutting down "wire communications" (internet/phones) during a declared national emergency. 

Legal and Technical Factors:

Emergency Power: The President can "cause the closing of any facility or station for wire communication" if a national emergency or threat to national security is declared.

The "Kill Switch": While there is no single, physical "internet kill switch," a president can order telecom companies and internet service providers (ISPs) to cease operations, effectively shutting down public access.

Legal Challenges: Such an action would likely face immediate and significant legal challenges regarding the First Amendment and the scope of presidential authority.

Scope of Impact: While the U.S. government can restrict domestic internet, it cannot turn off the internet in other parts of the world, say experts quoted by PBS and Cornell Tech researchers.

6649 - Long joke Sunday

A Doctor was addressing a large audience.

"The material we put into our stomachs is

enough to have killed most of us sitting here

years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks

corrode your stomach lining.

Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets

can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the

long-term harm caused by the germs in our

drinking water.

But there is one thing that is the most

dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it.

Can anyone here tell me what food it is that

causes the most grief and suffering for years

after eating it?"

After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old

man in the front row, raised his hand, and softly

said, "Wedding Cake."