5615 - Title missing

We were talking about geeks, nerds, and dorks the other day. Well here are some graphs and charts that explain everything.

5614 - Long joke Sunday

I would love to do something like this...

So a while ago I decided to treat myself and go to Burger King. 

I hadn't had the greatest of days and I had a headache coming on. 

It was a very long line and I was at the end of it waiting patiently. 

When behind me comes this woman yapping on her cellphone with a little monster of a child. 

This kid was out of control, screaming, punching his mother throwing around a Gameboy whenever something didn't go right in the game. 

The mother didn't seem to pay any attention to him and his continued yelling of 'I WANT A [expletive] PIE.' 

After about 5 minutes in the line with these people behind me, I had gone from a headache to a full-on migraine, but nothing was going to stop me from getting those burgers. 

I calmly turn and ask her nicely if she can please calm or quiet her child down. 

Immediately she gets up in my face telling me I can't tell her nothing about raising her child and to mind my own business. 

I nod and turn around, she's still yelling at the back of my head when the child cries out again about how he wants a pie, the mother consoles him, calling him sweetie and ensuring they'll get pies for lunch because she loves him so much. 

Things immediately go back to the way they were and I wait another 5 minutes before getting to the front of the line.

. . . 

I ordered every pie they had left in addition to my burgers. 

Turned out to be 23 pies in total. 

I take my order and walk towards the exit. 

Moments later I hear the woman yelling, "what do you mean you don't have any pies left, who bought them all? "

I turn around and see the cashier pointing me out with the woman shooting me a death glare. 

I stand there and pull out a pie and slowly start eating it as I stare back at her. 

She starts running towards me but can't get to me because of all the lines in the food court. 

I turn and slowly walk away.

5613 - Saturday jokes

I asked my 11yo to help me write my vacation 'out of office' email message.

Her suggestion, "I'm on vacation, your email will be deleted."

Someone born in 2020 will see the year 3000 when they're 80. Right?

Primenesia - When you order so much stuff from Amazon that you don't know what's in the box.

Why do men knell while proposing?

They're talking to your pussy, not to you.

Jehovah's Witnesses seemed a little shocked when I asked if they were here for the orgy.

I don't understand those couples who have a fight 

and immediately change their status to "single".

My parents have passed away several years ago  

and you don't see me changing my status to "orphan".

Somebody said they're going to park a chicken food truck next to chic fila only on Sundays and call it "side chic".

At a recent interview, I was asked if I could perform under pressure.

I said I would give it a try but I knew 'We Are The Champions' better.

A woman can do anything a man can do!!!

   Try pissing on a campfire!

... I remember a woman called Hot Lips. Is that how she got her name?

Tonight has been amazing, we should have dinner again.

Thanks, but I'm full.

There are 70 ways to keep men happy.

One is alcohol.

The other is 69.

If I have to open a box and add water,

it's homemade.

My ancestors navigated the ocean using the stars and I'm over here missing my exits with GPS.

If you lose one sense, your other senses are enhanced; that's why people with no sense of humor have an increased sense of self-importance.

Just saw Elvis at the hardware store...

Returned a sander!

My doctor has advised me to stop drinking, it’s going to be a massive change for me.

I’ve been with that doctor for 15 years.

So I set up my new Alexa to respond to "computer".

I didn't think about it until I turned on Star Trek, and halfway through the episode, my house fired a spread of photon torpedoes into our neighbor's garage.

Sorry about your truck Kevin.

Brain: Hey what are you doing?

Me: Nothing, just relaxing.

Brain: Would you like to think about all your failures?

Me: What, NO!

Brain: And away we go!

Imagine having braces during the apocalypse and no one can take them off. 

You'll just have to accept that you'll have braces forever.

Day 284 without sex.

Went jogging in flip-flops just to remember the sound.

I've just won a medal in the suntanning Olympics.

I won bronze.

They say a large group of Karens is called a homeowners association.

A penny found is worth more than a penny earned because a penny earned is taxed.

Have you ever taken your glasses off at night and thought damn, natural selection would've taken my ass a long time ago if it weren't for optometry.

Cyclists repeatedly fail Captcha tests after failing to identify images with traffic lights.

It must be a very worrying time for anyone who has dumped a body in a reservoir.

I have long said, dragging a body into the woods erases your footprints. Burying the body and planting endangered plants on top will keep it from being dug up. Follow me for more tips.

Replacing RBG with Amy Coney-Barrett is like if your server said, "We don't have Coke, is urine OK?"

My best friend stole my wife.

I need to send him a thank you card.

My biggest fear is that when I die my husband will sell my purses for what I told him they cost.

One day you'll find someone that's obsessed with you.

It's probably going to be a dog. But it is what it is.

Spraying your pan with a little olive oil cooking spray makes the kale slide right out of the pan and into the garbage.

I thought I was a good person, but the way I react when people drive slow in the left lane would suggest otherwise.

I was watching an Australian cooking show and the audience clapped when the chef made meringue.

I was surprised as Australians normally boo meringue.

5612 - Don McMillan - Nerd

Who? Don McMillan. I just saw an AGT bit he did. I was going to post it. It was about 5 minutes. But then I found this on Youtube. It has all the bits he did on AGT plus more! And they're all NERD JOKES! 24 minutes of them! It can't get much better than this!

..........

My Tuesday MRI turned out to be a CT scan. They said I'd hear about the results on Wednesday. So I called on Thursday and listened to the recording telling me they'll get right back. I'll try again today.

Update...

Well the ENT doctor called and I missed the call. I called back and the nurse that answered the phone(!) said he would call me back. And that he sent a copy of the CT scan to my PC doctor who sent a copy to my heart doctor. Hmmmm. My ENT doc called back. My vocal cord problem is idiopathic. Translation, don't know why it happened. So he'll set me up with speech therapy as soon as they get another speech therapist because theirs is out right now.

Oh, and by the way, he says, my chest CT showed that I have an aortic aneurysm. That's why the CT was sent to my heart doctor. 

Oh, and one of the medical people I've seen this week mentioned that I probably have an epigastric hernia. That's one that's right in the middle of the chest. 

I'll probably do a medical post on Monday where I'll include my granddaughter and her latest adventure.

See that look on Don McMillan's face? That's me right now.

5611 - Birthday candles - Pagan ritual

Why blow out the candles? There are several theories. I like the Pagan ritual theory.

And then there is the cake. Wikipedia has an article on it.

The last time we lit the candles on my birthday cake we had to get a permit from the fire department.