Billions of Versions of Normal

Tuesday, March 24, 2026

6650 - Scott MacFarlane

I thought I would look this up since the White Housers are picking on Scott MacFarlane right now for signing up with https://substack.com/@meidastouch.

AI Overview

While a total, permanent shutdown of the global internet is technically impossible for a U.S. President, Donald Trump could legally attempt to disrupt or shut down internet access within the U.S. or in specific regions. This authority stems from an obscure 1934 law, the Communications Act of 1934 (Sec. 706, 47 USC 606), which allows for shutting down "wire communications" (internet/phones) during a declared national emergency.

Legal and Technical Factors:

Emergency Power: The President can "cause the closing of any facility or station for wire communication" if a national emergency or threat to national security is declared.

The "Kill Switch": While there is no single, physical "internet kill switch," a president can order telecom companies and internet service providers (ISPs) to cease operations, effectively shutting down public access.

Legal Challenges: Such an action would likely face immediate and significant legal challenges regarding the First Amendment and the scope of presidential authority.

Scope of Impact: While the U.S. government can restrict domestic internet, it cannot turn off the internet in other parts of the world, say experts quoted by PBS and Cornell Tech researchers.

Sunday, March 22, 2026

6649 - Long joke Sunday

A Doctor was addressing a large audience.

"The material we put into our stomachs is

enough to have killed most of us sitting here

years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks

corrode your stomach lining.

Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets

can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the

long-term harm caused by the germs in our

drinking water.

But there is one thing that is the most

dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it.

Can anyone here tell me what food it is that

causes the most grief and suffering for years

after eating it?"

After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old

man in the front row, raised his hand, and softly

said, "Wedding Cake."

Saturday, March 21, 2026

6648 - Saturday jokes

Fox News... "Always doing our best to distract you from the fact that we support a child molester."

Post...

In the 2015 film Jurassic World, Chris

Pratt's character carries this stainless

Marlin 1895 rifle, it is the only version on

their website rated for a T-Rex.

Commentor...

Works too! I shot a T-Rex two days ago.

Dropped like a sack of potatoes. Still don't

know why it was carrying a bucket of candy

though.

(sing along)

Hello darkness my old friend,

I stood up way too fast again.

I farted...

That's as close to giving a shit as you're going to get from me today.

I'm often mistaken for an adult because of my age.

Farmer: What are we growing this year?

Wife: Older, ruder, and more intolerant.

Welcome to he next round of 'you heard the cat puke, but don't know where'.

The exciting game where your eyes try to find it before your feet do.

Hooters should start a home delivery service and call it Knockers.

"I see dead people!"

"Oh, it's just you without makeup. My bad."

I heard somebody say that Joel Osteen looks like Martin Short pretending to be Tim Allen and I can't unsee it now.

It's the most accurate statement ever uttered.

I’ve never been on a cooking show, but I put a kitchen towel over my shoulder once while I was boiling water. (Bilbo)

We note that it's the birthday of German scientist Georg Ohm, for whom the standard unit of electrical resistance is named. The standard unit of political resistance is called the Zelenskyy. A little-known fact about Mr. Ohm is that he spent much of his later life working as a cowboy in the American West, commemorated in the famous song "Ohm on the Range." (Bilbo)

Has anyone tried unplugging the USA and plugging it back in again?

I try to be a nice person but there are just too many stupid people out there.

I was going go take one of those Viking river cruises until I learned that you don’t actually get to loot the towns and monasteries along the route. (bilbo)

I wish nutritional labels on packaged foods included a “what if I ate the whole damn thing” section. (bilbo)

I’m amazed that libraries are able to keep fiction and non-fiction separate … that’s very difficult to do nowadays. (Bilbo)

There are multiple sections now. The Fake non-fiction, the Hoax non-fiction, the Alternate non-fiction, and the MAGA non-fiction. (Bob)

Converted the people, built churches and schools , expelled all snakes from the island...

Saint Hat Trick

I think my audience in Honolulu laughed only to be polite. It was more a low ha than true laughter.

Now that I'm older I thought it was great that I seemed to have more patience.

Turns out I just don't give a shit.

Never underestimate the healing power of listening to your favorite music on full blast while dancing around the house like an idiot.

I tried that Japanese decluttering trend where you hold each thing you own and throw it out if it doesn't give you joy. So far I've thrown out all the vegetables and the electric bill.

Them: How many pushups can you do?

Me: If they're the orange flavor I know for a fact I can do 7 of them in one sitting.

Does refusing to go to the gym count as resistance training?

I signed up for a zoom workout that was too advanced for me.

So when the instructor said to "do a plank, and then bring your knee to the opposite elbow,"

I did a modified version, where I turned off my computer, and made pancakes.

IF THE BREAD DELIVERY GUY IS A REDHEAD,

IS HE THE GINGER BREADMAN?

Teacher: The assignment can be about anything you want.

Me: Glory Hole Etiquette

I WAS POPULAR ONCE BUT MY THERAPIST TOOK ALL MY IMAGINARY FRIENDS AWAY.

I Need To Teach My Facial Expressions How To Use Their Inside Voice.