6642 - Long joke Sunday

A woman approaches a man and says,

"Excuse me Sir I'm doing a little

survey, can I ask you questions?"

The man says, "Yes of course"

Woman, "If you're travelling in a

bus and a female gets on the bus

and she's got no available seat,

would you give up your seat for

her?"

Man, "No."

Woman, "What if the lady that got

on the bus was pregnant would

you give up your seat then?

Man, "No."

Woman: "What if the lady got on

the bus was a senior lady would

you give your seat then?"

Man, "No."

Woman, "You are one selfish man,

you have no manners. Who do you

think you are?

Man: "I'm the Bus Driver."

6641 - Saturday pi day jokes

The volume of a pizza with radius 'z' and thickness 'a' is "pi zz a".

Why did Pi fail their driver’s test?

Because it didn't know when to stop.

What’s wrong with the equation “pi r squared”?

Because pi are round.

What happens when you eat too much pi?

You get a bigger circumference. 

Apple pi is a circumference food.

What do you get when you take a bovine and divide its circumference by its diameter?

A cow pi.

Life’s irrational, just like pi.

Have the Caesar salad only.

Beware the sides of starch.

They told me if I voted for Harris grocery prices would rise and we would be at war.

I did vote for Harris, and they turned out to be right.

Winner of the internet...

Q: Have you ever met someone truly evil?

Guys answer: My cousin is Stephen Miller.

Good news: my plumber, Markwayne Mullin, from when I managed an Applebees is now in charge of homeland security and that is one of the least crazy things about the current administration so that's fun for all of us.

Why do Republicans say AOC is "just a bartender" when she has a masters degree in economics,  but they don't say Markwayne Mullin is just a plumber?

Reports are circulating that Sweden has officially recognized sex as a sport, with plans for a first-of-its-kind championship evaluated by a panel of judges. (Where do I sign up?!)

Back when I was a kid you didn't need Joe Rogan. Your best friend had a 27 year-old brother who was a fucking loser who would smoke pot in a room with blacklight posters and tell you that the Mayans invented cell phones.

Mark Hammond, republican South Carolina Secretary of State during an interview... (I lost the last part of this joke)

If we're ever in a situation where I am the "voice of reason", then we are in a very very bad situation.

I was born in 1951. I’ve walked like an Egyptian, moonwalked, walked this way, walked on the wild side, walked on sunshine, walked the line, and walked 500 miles. I’m tired of walking. (Bilbo)

I’m pretty sure I've reached my “what the hell??” quota for the year, and it’s only March 9th. (Bilbo)

Does Pete Hegseth realize he’s not George C. Scott in Patton? He’s George C. Scott in Dr. Strangelove. (Bilbo)

The Onion: Company Lacks Manpower To Complete Newest Round Of Layoffs.

Rules that make no sense...

1. A town in Italy made it "illegal to die"

because their cemetery had no more space.

2. Noise laws in Switzerland are so strict

that flushing a toilet at night is often banned.

3. In Thailand, stepping on a dropped

coin is a crime because it insults the King.

4. Until 2015, dancing in Japanese

clubs after midnight was actually

against the law.

5. Venice will fine you up to $700 if you

are caught feeding the pigeons.

6. In Western Australia, it was once

illegal to possess more than 50kg of potatoes.

Women have banded together into a new group called the Clitterati.

No debt

Ideal weight

8 hours of sleep

Mental health on track

Right nutrition

Zero Alcohol

This was my peak. I was 8.

Good times ...

Orange Turd turns 80 in June.

If he makes it, his AGE will surpass his IQ!

How many countries do you have to bomb to win a Nobel Peace Prize these days?

Asking for a felon.

If you put a Jumbotron on the side of a blimp, does that make it an LED Zeppelin? (Bilbo)

Statistics show that teen pregnancy drops off significantly after age 25.

A priest, a pastor, and a rabbit walked in to blood donation clinic.

The nursed asked the rabbit, "What is your blood type?"

"I'm probably a type O", said the rabbit.

Missouri's 12 seasons:

Winter

Fool's Spring

Second Winter

Spring of Deception (We are here)

Third Winter

The Pollening

Actual Spring

Summer

The Devil's Front Porch

False Fall

Second Summer

Actual Fall

I was told there would be a handbasket. (Bilbo)

On our third date, I finally had the courage to tell the man that I was earning extra money as a makeup artist at a funeral home.

In that moment of honesty he also admitted that he just remembered he had a wife and two children, so we shouldn't be seeing each other anymore.

Urgent message on Truth Social...

Costco very crowded today.

Peeple no about the raptor and are preparing. 

Raptor on March 22. Spread the word.

SALLY WORKED AT THE FERTILIZER PLANT.

WE NEVER MET BUT MA KNEW HER.

Fun Fact: A paper airplane can be in flight yet remain stationery.

Sometimes people ask me how I know all the random shit I know and all I got is, "I have ADHD, an internet connection, really good research skills, and zero self-regulatory mechanisms".

6640 - Thursday trees

All these are from Bilbo today.

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6639 - Is it War?

6638 - Long joke Sunday

Should I post this.... yeah, what the heck...

A sexually active woman tells her plastic surgeon that she wanted her vaginal lips reduced in size because they had become too loose and floppy.

For fear of embarrassment she insisted that the surgeon kept the operation a secret which the surgeon agreed.

In waking up from the surgery, she found 3 roses placed beside her on the bed.

Outraged, she calls in the doctor. "I thought I asked you not to tell anyone about my operation!"

The surgeon told her that he had kept her surgery a secret, and that the first rose was from him: "I felt sad because you went through this all by yourself."

"The second rose is from my nurse. She assisted me in the surgery and understood because she had the same procedure done some time ago."

"And what about the third rose?" she asked.

"That's from a man upstairs in the burn unit. He wanted to thank you for his new ears."