Saturday, August 27, 2016

3427 - Saturday jokes


You know the times have changed...
When Portugal leaves Brazil without taking any Gold.


After Nigeria was unable to win any medals in this year's Olympics, the Nigerian Sports Minister personally offered to refund all the expenses of fans that traveled to Brazil.
He said he just needs their bank details and pin numbers to complete the transaction.


Hillary Clinton goes to a gifted-student primary school in New York to talk about the world. After her talk she offers to answer questions from the kids.
One little boy puts up his hand. Hillary asks him what his name is.
"Kenny," he says.
"And what is your question, Kenny?" she asks.
"I have three questions," he says. "First -- what happened in Benghazi? "Second -- why would you run for president if you are not capable of handling two e-mail accounts? "Third -- what happened to that six billion dollars that went missing while you were Secretary of State?”
Just then the bell rings for recess.
Hillary tells the students that they will continue after recess. When they resume Hillary says,
"Okay, where were we? Oh, that's right, question time. Who has a question?”
A different boy -- little Johnny -- puts his hand up.
Hillary points to him and asks him what his name is.
"Johnny," he says.
"What is your question, Johnny?" she asks.
"I just have one question," he says. "Where's Kenny?”


What are sidewalks called at mental hospitals?
Psychopaths.


Met a beautiful girl down at the park today.
Sparks flew, she fell at my feet and we ended up having sex right there and then.
God, I love my new Taser...

(Then from the comments...)
That's shocking behavior.
Completely re-volting.
This is a real joule.
I hope no one tries to amp it up.
Oh Coulomb on!
Please don't switch the topic.
Stop alternating threads, be more direct.
You stop your battery of pointless posts first.
I'm amped up to get in on this thread.
And then he said, "Stop resisting!"
This thread will only be funny Faraday.
Wire you doing this guys.
I think they wanted to Tesla waters with puns.
They're alternating between old and new jokes.
The capacity has been depleted.


I almost got raped in jail.
I think my family takes monopoly way too seriously.


The guy who stole my diary died.
My thoughts are with his family.


A man walks into the psychiatrist's office with a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear and he says,
"I don't know what's the matter with me lately"
The psychiatrist says, "You're not eating properly."


A guy dies and wakes up on a beach.
Nice weather, hot girls playing beach volleyball, barbecues everywhere, laughter and joy. All of a sudden, Satan comes up to him. "Welcome to hell. Enjoy yourself, have a drink, have a hamburger and check out the area. If you need anything or have a question, feel free to ask me." he says. The guy walks along the beach, has a few drinks with a nice girl. He walks over a hill, when he sees a hole in the ground, full with tormented people, flames rising up from the hole. The guy runs towards the beach until he finds Satan. "Hey, I found this hole and all these people are being tormented... What´s that about?" "Oh," Satan says, "that's for the Christians, they want it that way."


My friend asked me if I was ready to go to the nudist colony.
I was born ready.

2 comments:

eViL pOp TaRt said...

Great jokes! *****

allenwoodhaven said...

Saturday Jokes are always welcome!