3973 - Saturday jokes

Mr. Tain did such a brave deed that the Queen said she would make him a Knight. After the cerimony he ran into a friend and told him what happened. His friend said, "Are you sure that's what happened?" He said, "Yes, I'm Sir Tain."


Did you hear the one about the LGBTQ2S+ community?
They're working together to build the perfect password.


I found my first grey pubic hair today.
I just didn’t expect it to be in my Big Mac.


What does a short-sighted gynaecologist and a dog have in common?
A wet nose.


What do you call kids in Antarctica?
Chilldren.


My daughter screeched, "Daaaaaad, you haven't listened to one word I've said, have you!?"
What a strange way to start a conversation with me.


My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.


A teenager lost a contact lens while playing in the driveway.
After a fruitless search, he went inside the house and told his mother he lost a lens and, try as he might, could not find it.
Undaunted, the mother went outside and in only a few minutes returned with the lens in her hand.
"How did you manage to find it, mom?" the teenager asked.
"We weren't looking for the same thing" she replied. "You were looking for a small piece of plastic. I was looking for $150".


My wife asked me which of her friends I want to have a threesome with.
Now she's mad at my answer.
I guess I was suppose to only say one name, not two.


6 was scared of 7 because 7, 8 ,9 but why did 7 eat 9?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day.


19 and 20 got into a fight. 21


Why are Catholic priests called "Father?"
Because "Daddy" would be too suspicious.


My driver's side window won't go down.
So I guess I'm on a diet now.