Friday, August 31, 2012

1998 - Facts About Men


Well... facts? Maybe.....


Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.

Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

If you buy your husband a video camera, for the first few weeks he has it, lock the door when you go to the bathroom. Most of my husband's early films end with a scream and a flush.

Be careful of men who are bald and rich; the arrogance of "rich" usually cancels out the nice of "bald."

Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible. In a world where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle.

Men are very confident people. My husband is so confident that when he watches sports on television, he thinks that if he concentrates he can help his team. If the team is in trouble, he coaches the players from our living room, and if they're really in trouble, I have to get off the phone in case they call him.

If it's attention you want, don't get involved with a man during play-off season.

Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.

Men love to be the first to read the newspaper in the morning. Not being the first is upsetting to their psyches.

All men look nerdy in black socks and sandals.

The way a man looks at himself in a mirror will tell you if he can ever care about anyone else.

Don't try to teach men how to do anything in public. They can learn in private; in public they have to know.

Men who are going bald often wear baseball caps.

All men are afraid of eyelash curlers. I sleep with one under my pillow, instead of a gun.

A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.

Men love gadgets and lots of it. My husband has practically everything from Sharper Image. Name it, he has it, but does he need all of them - I didn't think so.

All men hate to hear "We need to talk about our relationship." These seven words strike fear in the heart of even General Schwarzkopf.

Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.

Men are brave enough to go to war, but they are not brave enough to get a bikini wax.

All men think that they're nice guys. Some of them are not. Contact me for a list of names.

Men don't get cellulite. God might just be a man.

Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types: depressing and more depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and not nerdy.

Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.

Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I've never seen a man walk into a party and say, "Oh, my, I'm so embarrassed; get me out of here. There's another man wearing a black tuxedo."

Most men hate to shop. That's why the men's department is usually on the first floor of a department store, two inches from the door.



Thursday, August 30, 2012

1997 - More ammo

When I see a story about the Democrats twisting facts to make the repubs look bad I think why? They do such a good job of looking bad all by themselves what's the point? Click on the link for the  perfect example. Nuts throwing nuts.




And theeeeeennnnn.. looky what I found. A political science ranking of presidents. It looks like Bush43 wasn't the worst ever. He was the 4th worst ever. Obama is hanging in there at 15th best. Here's the LIST. It's a sortable list. Lots of fun resorting columns.



Wednesday, August 29, 2012

1996 - Political toons

Ask and you shall receive.



A giant shift.



It's too bad the parties can't do this.



And just in case the RNC lost their copy, here's another one.



Tuesday, August 28, 2012

1995 - Just some jokes

Poor Jay took a 5 million dollar cut in pay and 20 people still got laid off.



What have you learned over time? ......


I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.
I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.
I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.
I've learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you'd better have a big dick or huge tits.
I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more fucked up than you think.
I've learned that you can keep puking long after you think you're finished.
I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.
I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place.
I've learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones who do.
I've learned that we don't have to ditch bad friends because their dysfunction makes us feel better about ourselves.
I've learned that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get arrested and end up in the local paper.
I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.
I've learned to say "Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke" in 6 languages.


The best laid plans.....


Once upon a time there were two deaf mutes standing on a street corner talking to each other with sign language.
Mute #1 (SIGN)"What would you like to do?"
Mute #2 (SIGN)"I don't know, what about you?"
Mute #1 (SIGN)"Let's get my car, find some girls, drive to a dark space and have some fun."
Mute #2 (SIGN)"Good idea."
So they get his car, find some girls, drive to a dark spot and are having a ball when the guy in the back seat taps the guy in the front seat on the shoulder.....
Front Seat Mute (SIGN)"What?"
Back Seat Mute (SIGN)"Have you got any protection?"
Front Seat Mute (SIGN)"No. Don't you?"
Back Seat Mute (SIGN)"No. We had better go to a drug store and get some."
They proceed to drive to a drug store and the man in the back seat gets out and goes inside. In 2 minutes he is back outside and taps on the car window.
Inside Mute (SIGN)"What?"
Outside Mute (SIGN)"I've got a problem."
Inside Mute (SIGN)"What?"
Outside Mute (SIGN)"I can't make the druggist understand what I want."
Inside Mute (SIGN)"I know What to do."
Outside Mute (SIGN)"What?"
Inside Mute (SIGN)"Go back inside. Put five dollars on the counter. Put your pecker on the counter. He'll know what you want."
Outside Mute (SIGN)"Good idea."
The man goes back into the drug store and 2 minutes later he's back at the car window.
Inside Mute (SIGN)"Well?"
Outside Mute (SIGN)"It didn't work."
Inside Mute (SIGN)"What do you mean?"
Outside Mute (SIGN) "I did what you told me to do. I went inside. I put 5 dollars on the counter. I put my pecker on the counter. He put his on the counter. It was bigger than mine. He took my 5 dollars."



Monday, August 27, 2012

1994 - Political ...... whatever.

The political stuff is starting to pile up. Time to let it loose.




Another variation on a theme like the hardware store guy.




How could you have a political campaign without a bogeyman?




The beginning of the hypocrite party.




And how could we not have a FOX news inspired misspelling?



Sunday, August 26, 2012

1993 - Two lessons

I got this email from a friend..

The $50 dollar lesson.

Recently, while I was working in the flower beds in the front yard, my neighbors stopped to chat as they returned home from walking their dog. During our friendly conversation, I asked their little girl what she wanted to be when she grows up. She said she wanted to be President some day. 

Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there, so I asked her, "If you were President what would be the first thing you would do?" She replied... "I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people." Her parents beamed with pride! "Wow...what a worthy goal!" I said. "But you don't have to wait until you're President to do that!" I told her. "What do you mean?" she replied. 

So I told her, "You can come over to my house and mow the lawn, pull weeds, and trim my hedge, and I'll pay you $50. Then you can go over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out and give him the $50 to use toward food and a new house." 

She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked me straight in the eye and asked, "Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50?" I said, "Welcome to the Republican Party." Her parents aren't speaking to me anymore.

The reality lesson..

Could you see a republican hiring a homeless person to do anything around their house? NOT! If a homeless person showed up on a republicans' doorstep they would have him arrested. 


Saturday, August 25, 2012

1992 - Woman stuff

Well I found this article on Yahoo News about 'What Americans Really think About Abortion'. Read that if you want to. But the story had a link to a Live Science article about '10 Odd Facts About the Female Body'.



I should just leave that as my post but it's way to short. So, the first article has quite a few more links to look at. The second one has links also but it appears not nearly as many.

OK OK, here's one of the 10 things...


Pinpointing pregnancy isn't so simple - 
You can't be a little bit pregnant … but most women are considered pregnant before they've even conceived. Doctors typically measure pregnancy starting from the first day of the last menstrual period, because most of the time, women aren't sure exactly what day they conceived, but they can remember their last period. It's also not possible to detect the moment of fertilization, and pregnancy can't be confirmed until the developing embryo implants on the uterine wall (that's why at-home pregnancy tests aren't very accurate until at least a week after a missed period). [8 Odd Changes That Happen During Pregnancy]

The Live Science site seems to not want to let you go. You may have to shut the window down to get away from it. (Unless it's just IE8 acting weird.)


Friday, August 24, 2012

1991 - 6 money habits that are illegal

That was the title of the article I was reading. The only problem was the first illegal habit they mentioned was not illegal.

Here are the six categories.



1. Signing someone else's name on a check
2. Using someone else's identity to obtain credit
3. Lying on a home loan application
4. Writing 'bad' checks
5. Copying U.S. currency
6. Defacing U.S. currency

As for number 1 the problem with their explanation is that it assumes you are committing fraud. My Dad who was a bank auditor told me a long time ago that you have to prove intent to defraud to prove forgery. I asked a lawyer recently about this and the law hasn't changed.

Example - If you get a check made out to you and your spouse, you can sign your spouses name on the back of the check.

Another example was the one from the real estate attorney I talked to. Someone who is not at a real estate signing can have another person sign their name. All they have to do is get permission over the phone.

I'm sure there are more examples.

As for number 3?  That was the start of the economic collapse in 2008.

Number 4? Write a what?

Number 5? You can but with caveats. See the article.

Number 6? Yeah right, don't ever write on money. But I guess the 'Where's George' stamp is OK.


 

Thursday, August 23, 2012

1990 - Eye know, eye know!

The eyes have it!

Well I found and interesting article about secrets in the eye. What kind of secrets? Sexual preference secrets. I could just copy the whole article to here because it's not that long. But I don't think you can resist going to an article that has the phrase 'images of a woman masturbating' in the article.

Are you back? Confused? Well let me help you be even more confused. See the picture? I liked it better than the one that was in the previous article. But this picture came with a short article of it's own. About? Eye transplantation and if it's possible or not. Go HERE.


Wednesday, August 22, 2012

1989 - Look out below

You're at the pool at the Holiday Inn Shanghai Pudong Kangqiao in China. You climb in and decide to swim down to the other end.



You think hey the bottom is really clear. So you swim down to have a look. You're looking 24 stories to the ground below you.


I don't know about you but I think this would be kind of fun. Except for the flying to China to be able to do it.


Tuesday, August 21, 2012

1988 - Super Volcano

Well I found a movie made by the BBC about what would happen if the Yellowstone super volcano erupted. It's 95% movie with 5% volcano facts interspersed in the movie by the actors themselves. So if you decide to watch this, make sure you have the money to stock up on the food and water stores that you will suddenly desire.



Did I mention that the movie is 2 hours long? Click on the title so you can blow it up full screen on YouTube. And it actually is a very good movie.

And for more info on big volcanos go to wikipedia to read about the Volcanic Explosivity Index.

Gotta' go to the store now.....


Monday, August 20, 2012

1987 - T-shirts

T-shirt sites keep coming up with new ways to be in your neighbors face. 

This has been true my whole life.




I think a T-rex would be in order.




A variation on a theme here.




I've seen this before but I don't think I've shown it here.




This may not be as hard as it sounds.



Sunday, August 19, 2012

1986 - Toss

Are you ready? I'm going to toss something to you. Are you sure your ready? Here it comes!

Well here's a team of 'here comes another and another and another and another....



This was at a competition. These particular contestants were Vova and Olga Galchenko. That link will take you to their Wikipedia page. This LINK will take you to YouTube for many more videos of them.


Saturday, August 18, 2012

1985 - Boom!

Peacefully sitting on one of these?

Well before you push that lever one more time, you may want to read THIS.


Friday, August 17, 2012

1984 - OK again

Lunch yesterday was slightly marred by a trip into political land. Everything was going along nicely. No one was talking politics or religion. But we had a new comer to the group. And after two hours of niceness she blurts out, 'You know we've got to get rid of Obama'. 

I just said, ' No we don't. He's a lot better than the alternative.' She counters with, 'Well it's good that Ryan's on the ticket now.' I counter with, 'He's twice as bad as Romney.' 

My friend Frank then jumps in and tells her the rules. I wish he would have said something to her beforehand. It's getting hard to keep my mouth shut when the ditto heads start talking.

That said......








Thursday, August 16, 2012

1983 - Words

Here's another list to help you right gooder. It's always gooder to have one of this lists around. Usually always.



Writing needs loopholes. Without them life could get very boring.



Speaking of not boring. Trying to decipher these woman words can keep life interesting.



Wednesday, August 15, 2012

1982 - Warning - politics ahead

Nice compilation of the republican strategy to retake the White House. (view from the left) (It's all about money)

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

1981 - Misc. Tuesday

There is an exception to every rule.




To bad this isn't true. Even jokes have to be fact checked. (b. 3-10-40)




I generally don't like dog costumes but this is an exception. (See, exceptions to everything.)



This is a very thoughtful question.




OK, let's finish off with some guy humor. The main answer to this is smack in the middle of the chart.




Exactly!!



Monday, August 13, 2012

1980 - Misc Monday

School is starting today in many places. Good luck teachers.



Ow Ow Ow OWWWWW



You tell 'em girls.


Did I use this already? If I did it deserves to be used again.



Who is it!?


Pollsters? Jehovah Witnesses? New roof guys? Driveway sealer guys? Ruuuuuunn!!!


Oh great. School is starting on Friday the 13th. What a way to start the week.

Sunday, August 12, 2012

1979 - Sunday

It's Sunday. Time for some religion.





I just think this would be a fun bumper sticker to display for awhile.



Hey, now here's a logical thought.



You could have a new country and religion.



Here's an Assembly of God church with more than half a brain.



Matthew 25.31-46


An Assembly of God church with less than half a brain.




Saturday, August 11, 2012

1978 - Two views

Guys, you can pick what you want to look at on this video. But it may be hard to concentrate.



What's going on here? Here's the ARTICLE.


Friday, August 10, 2012

1977 - Smack!!!!!

Face palm! SMACK!!! Who? ME!!!

Everyday has been a Google game doodle since the beginning of the Olympics. There's a new one today. No wait! Not everyday. Just back three days.

https://www.google.com/doodles/soccer-2012 (Today)

https://www.google.com/doodles/slalom-canoe-2012

https://www.google.com/doodles/basketball-2012

https://www.google.com/doodles/hurdles-2012

Doodle away. (On Google Chrome)


And I see Andrea left a comment about the PacMan Google Doodle and how much fun that was. Wouldn't it be nice to be able to go back and play it too?


Thursday, August 09, 2012

1976 - Paddle like hell

Remember Google Doodles? Those fun little things that Google puts up on it's search page? Well they've got an Olympic event up there today.


I had one run at 33 seconds. I should have copied it. I haven't been able to get out of the 40's since.

Training tips. Stay off the rocks, they slow you down. Go through the gates, they speed you up. Paddle like hell.

New info! The game works in Chrome but not IE8. I don't know about other browsers.