6637 - Saturday jokes

I got my shot for Shingles today. Just to be safe, l also got one for Vinyl Siding too!

Turns out you can just buy a birthday cake anytime and eat it yourself. Nobody checks.

Are the conservatives more afraid of the drag queens or the books they're reading to the kids?

I had short flight yesterday that took forever.

We had a black pilot and he kept getting pulled over.

I have this cool phone app that shows me what I would look like as an old person. It’s called “camera.” (Bilbo)

“We have unlimited of the middle and upper middle ammunition and things. We save it, and we build it,”. (DJT)

There is no bigger test of patience than using a remote to type your email address on a TV. (Bilbo)

Does anyone know when W-2s for Walmart's self checkout will be sent out?

I thought Ariana Grande was a font.

Every time I go out in public, the public is there.

I can't keep living like this!

I'm so poor I rub cologne from magazines on my shirt.

When people say, "Oh, you smell good, what is that?"

I say, "Page 14."

I heard they’re building a mirror factory in my town.

I could see myself working there.

So……where exactly are all these clinics that clinically approve everything?

I'm eating a second cookie because I ate the first one absentmindedly and didn't appreciate it enough.

I love Chick-Fil-A.

I could eat there 24/6.

Avoid playing this song on your radio if you get pulled over.

'I can drive 55'.

A man has passed out on the Ferris Wheel at the local fair.

Paramedics on site say he is slowly coming around.

I will also be posting telepathically today.

So if you think of something funny, that was me.

Guy in emergency room with several broken limbs.

"But those pants DID make her butt look big!"

Why did they name them sea-monkeys when 'shrimpanzees' was sitting right there?!

Cop: Do you know why I stopped you?

Me: Looking back at my trailer full of donkeys... "Because I'm hauling ass?"

I work out almost every day.

Friday I almost worked out.

Saturday I almost worked out...

The older I get, the more I hate making extra stops after work, like I’m late for the house.

Any pan can be a non-stick pan if you non-cook in it.

I called in to work and said I was having an eye problem and wouldn't be in.

I couldn't see going to work.

If I had a nickel for every pun I've posted,

I'd have a pun per nickel!

My sister asked me to stop singing “I’m a Believer“ by The Monkees because she found it annoying.

At first, I thought she was kidding.

But then I saw her face.

That look you get on your face when you say you're bored and someone suggests some form of exercise.

Husband: How do I turn Alexa off?

Wife: Have you tried walking around the room naked?

The spaces between ladder rungs have increased because Americans are getting taller.

Manufacturers claim it's due to climb it change.