6387 - Long joke Sunday

A woman in her forties noticing that her looks were starting to fade decided to visit to a plastic surgeon for a face-lift.

After examining her, the surgeon told her about a new procedure called "The KEY," where a small key is placed on the back of a woman's head and can be turned to tighten up her skin to produce the effect of a face lift without the invasive surgery.

Upon hearing this of course, the woman wanted "The Key."

Over many years, the woman tightened the key, and the effects were wonderful -- the woman remained young-looking and youthful. 

However, after fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon as she had two problems.

"For the past fifteen years, everything has worked just fine. Every six months I've had to turn the key, and I've always loved the results. 

But now I've developed two annoying symptoms: First, I have these terrible bags under my eyes, and the key won't get rid of them."

The doctor looked at her closely and said, "Those aren't bags, those are your boobies."

“Oh!”, she said, "I suppose there’s no point asking about the beard then."

6386 - Saturday jokes

Headline..

Cops beat Chinese man after asking his name.

"I've lost all faith in our police" Says Fuk Yu.

Can’t wait to add my pretend $2,000 tariff check to my pretend $5,000 DOGE check so I can stock up on my pretend $2.00 a gallon gas.

Somebody just asked me if I’m ready for Christmas … hell, I’m not even ready for this afternoon.

Calling autism a disorder assumes neurotypicals have some kind of order. They don’t — they’re just the majority.

"TikToker gets plastic surgery on her nose so her future children will inherit her new nose."

US: We're not going to make it, are we? Humans, I mean.

A genie granted me one wish, so I said, “I just want to be happy.” Now I’m living in a cottage with six dwarves and working in a mine.

*****

From Kathy... Thanks!

*****

Late one night, a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. "Give me your money," he demanded.

Indignant, the affluent man replied, "You can't do this - I'm a United States Congressman!"

"In that case," replied the mugger, "give me MY money!" 

Where do plants invest their money?

In the stalk market.

What do you call a happy cowboy?

A jolly-rancher.

What kind of undergarments does a lawyer wear?

Legal briefs.

Why can't the bank manager ride a bike anymore?

He lost his balance.

What do you get when you cross a parrot with an elephant?

An animal that tells you everything  it remembers.

An auto mechanic received a repair order that said to check for a clunking noise when going around corners. 

He took the car out for a test drive and made two right turns, each time hearing a loud clunk. 

Back at the shop, he returned the car to the service manager with this note: "Removed bowling ball from trunk."

What do you call a short cow?

Condensed milk.

What's a cat's favorite song?

Three Blind Mice.

If you need help building an ark...

I Noah guy.

Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.

*****

I pirated a movie last night.

I gave it 3.14 stars.

(Think about it.)

ICE is asking people to quit calling its hotline to report an undocumented girl named Anne Frank hiding in the attic of a republican lawmaker.

Him: How do you feel about sex?

Her: I like it infrequently.

Him: Is that one word or two?

At Ford we listen to our customers. You asked for a place to nap while waiting for the tow truck and we delivered. Fold flat front seats!

I used to think adulthood was one crisis after another. I was wrong. It’s multiple crises. Concurrently. All at once. All the time. Forever. (Bilbo)

Let's admit that drinking bleach and shoving a UV light up your ass is the closest we've gotten to a republican healthcare plan in the last 16 years.

Two things have happened since 1965. TVs have gotten thinner and I have not.

Milking stools only have three legs because the cow has the udder.

A girl asked me if she was wearing too much makeup.

I told her it depends on whether or not she's trying to kill Batman.

Gynecologist: What are you using for birth control?

Her: My personality.

They say sniffing holly and rosemary will improve your memory.

I sniffed them both.

Rosemary slapped me and Holly kneed me in the nuts.

I don't remember much after that.

6385 - Thursday trees

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Many Bilbo contributions.

6384 - Three ladies

Peggy sent this to me. So it's her fault!

6383 - Sense of self

From Neuroscience news.com...

"Warmth and Hugging Strengthen the Feeling of Being You"

The following is the main point from the article...

"So why DO warm hugs make us feel good about ourselves? 

“When we hug, the combination of tactile and thermal signals increases our sense of body ownership, so we are more connected to our embodied sense of self,” says Dr Crucianelli. “Feeling warm touch on the skin enhances our ability to sense ourselves from the inside and recognize our own existence. We feel, ‘this is my body, and I am grounded in it.’” 

Scientifically put, warm interpersonal contact engages specialized C-tactile afferents and thermosensitive pathways that project to the insular cortex, facilitating interoceptive signaling associated with safety and affective regulation. This sensory input is accompanied by oxytocin release and reductions in physiological stress, supporting social bonding and enhancing bodily self-awareness, and ultimately, wellbeing. 

In other words, “Warm touch reminds us that we are connected, valued, and part of a social world,” says Dr Crucianelli. “Humans are wired for social closeness, and hugs briefly dissolve the boundary between ‘self’ and ‘other’.” 

If you want to read the whole article (not that long) go to...

https://neurosciencenews.com/temperature-hugging-body-awareness-30020/