6436 - Long joke Sunday

After a meeting I was coming out of a hotel and I was looking for my car keys. 

They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room... it wasn't there.

Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. My husband has shouted many times for leaving the keys in the ignition. 

My theory is, the ignition is the best place not to lose them. His theory is that the car will be stolen. 

Immediately I rushed to the parking lot, I came to a terrifying conclusion. His theory was right. The parking lot was empty.

I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, car number and description of the place where I parked etc. 

I equally confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.

Then I made the most difficult call of all, to my husband!!!

"Honey," I stammered; I always call him "honey" in times like these. "I left my keys in the car, and it has been stolen.

"There was a period of silence. I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard his voice."

"Idiot", he shouted, "I dropped you at the hotel!"

Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, "Well, come and get me."

He shouted again, "I will, as soon as I manage to convince this policeman that I didn't steal your car."

6435 - Saturday jokes

I try to be a little overweight because it wouldn't be fair if I were this good looking, intelligent, funny, AND thin. It's a public service really.

I hate when people can't let go of the past.

Debt collectors are the worst.

I’ve decided to leave my past behind me. So if I owe you money.. I'm sorry... but I've moved on.

I do all my own stunts.

But not intentionally.

*Day 3 of the kidnapping*

The kidnappers are now offering my wife a ransom if she'll take me back but she's holding out for more.

The older I get, the tighter companies are screwing lids on jars.

My dog is the main the reason I know any of our neighbors.

*first date*

Her: "Do you like dogs or cats better?"

Flipping through the menu: "What page are you on?"

Me: "Is this seat taken?"

Girl: "I have a boyfriend."

Me: "Look I'm over 60. I just need to sit down.

Mowed the lawn yesterday with my shirt off and this morning there were 10 shirts left on my porch with a sign that said, "Please wear."

Bob, a funeral home employee, walked into his house one evening with a nasty shiner. His wife took one look at him and demanded an explanation.

“Rough day?” she asked.

“You have no idea,” Bob muttered. “I got called to a hotel where a guest had died. The manager said they couldn’t get him into a body bag because of… well, a certain physical issue.”

His wife crossed her arms. “What kind of issue?”

Bob rubbed his temples. “Let’s just say the guy was stiff—in more ways than one. So, I tried to… adjust things. I grabbed it with both hands and bent it down to make him fit.”

His wife cringed. “Oh my God, that’s disgusting! But how did you get punched?”

Bob sighed. “Because the dead guy was next door. I was in the wrong room.”

I don't know if JD Vance killed the Pope, but I think we should deport him to El Salvador just in case.

My wife caught me sucking in my stomach while standing on the bathroom scale.

HA! That's not going to help! she laughed.

Actually it does. It's the only way I can see the numbers. 

My wife says I can be a real idiot sometimes. 

I think it's pretty cool that she gives me permission like that.

I was planning on being a safe driver but if insurance is gonna charge me like a street racer, might as well get my moneys worth.

I told my wife my boss asked me who was the stupid one, him or me.

My wife said well you would never work for a stupid boss.

So the guy who had to pay $25,000,000 for running a fake university is suddenly an expert on what Harvard should teach.

Whenever my wife says, "Cheer up. You could be stuck in a hole in the ground that's filled with water" I know she means well.

Facebook has taught me a couple of things:

First, there are some incredibly brilliant people out there.

Second, they are vastly outnumbered.

I'm kinda like the total package that got messed up through shipping and handling.

IF PIGS REALLY COULD FLY,

I BET THEIR WINGS WOULD BE DELICIOUS.

My psychiatrist says there's nothing more he can do for me. That means I'm cured right? Right guys?

I'm pretty upset how fast my life went from MySpace to Mychart.

If less than 2 minutes in space makes someone an astronaut, then I'm a gynecologist. 

There's no such thing as a grouchy old person. 

Truth is, once you get older, you stop being polite and start being honest.

I want to meet the Tom that got an entire genre of foolery named after him.

ICE in America today is the SS of 1930s Germany.

A tattoo makes someone a gang member the same way a shiny gold cross makes Karoline Leavitt a Christian.

Don't friend me unless you want to be constantly amazed by the amount of movies and shows I've never seen.

I have reached an age where my mind says, "I can do that,' but my body says,

“Try it and you'll be sorry!”

On the school whiteboard...

Welcome to Ace Institute's TV cable installation course.

Your instructor will be here sometime between the hours of 9AM and 5PM.

Nothing says ‘competent' like a Homeland Security Secretary who can't secure her own handbag.

Cutting off a narcissist from your life and radically accepting you are going to be the villain in their delusional world is top-level self-care.

My ex was bitten by a rattlesnake once. After three days of excruciating pain, the snake finally died.

Medical researchers have determined stress will kill you. Great! One more thing to worry about.

6434 - NHK Weather Music 2020 Extended

Do you watch NHK news on PBS? Do you like the music that plays while the weather scrolls by?

6433 - Thursday trees

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6432 - Windows 11 install

Well, I got enough warnings about windows 10 not being supported anymore that I thought it was time to upgrade to windows 11. There are now ways to make a computer that supposedly can't work with windows 11 work. My son had already upgraded Claudia's computer to windows 11 with no problems. SO let's do mine, right? RIGHT? NO PROBLEMS, RIGHT?

We had recently changed my hard drive to an SSD. So this upgrade should be really fast. HA! We followed the same procedure as he did before. Everything seemed to work. We followed directions on a YouTube video that he had previously used. It showed how to use the upgrade using Microsoft procedures and files. It took longer to load than he thought it should, but it finally finished.

When it booted back up in Windows 11, everything was running really sloooow. Then the troubleshooting started. 

Days past by.

We finally figured out that the install file was still running in the back ground. It's a 5gig file. The hard drive was running at 100%. That's why every thing was slow. Things had to wait their turn to access the hard drive. So we tried to delete the install file. Nope. Not when it's running. After some google searches we found out we could delete the file in safe mode. Safe mode for Windows 11 is not F11. It's 'shift restart'. 

We got the file deleted and things started working like they should. So I now have Windows 11 on a non Windows 11 machine. I still ran into slow downs because Windows 11 kept find upgrades it needed to do. As of this posting things seem to be working. 😬