6602 - Long joke Sunday

A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sun dress, walked into a bar in London.

She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink?"

The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her. But down at the end of the bar, an owly-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed,

"Give the Ballerina a drink!"

The bartender poured the drink and the woman chugged it down in one. She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them, revealing the same hairy armpit, and asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink?" Once again, the same little drunk slapped his money down on the bar and boomed, "Give the Ballerina another drink!"

The bartender approached the little drunk and said, "I say, old chap, it's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her the Ballerina?'"

"As far as I'm concerned," the drunk replied, "Any woman who can lift her leg that high has got to be a Ballerina!"

6601 - Saturday jokes

Owner to car salesman: "I can't explain it. All I know is I can't drive more than 10 miles without needing to pull over to use the restroom".

Soon after it was introduced, the Lincoln Incontinental was recalled.

She told me she's stripping to feed her kids but gets pissed when I put seven cans of green beans on the stage.

Why do men snore when they lie in their backs? It's because their balls fall over their asshole which causes a vapor lock.

That feeling of anger you get when your girlfriend is kissing another dude but you can't say anything because he's her husband.

Remember, having sex on a regular basis keeps helps your memory alive. I wish you all a great 2016.

Apparently stress balls are not supposed to be thrown at people that are stressing you out.

Interview at an IT company...

Them: So, what makes you suitable for this job?

Me: I hacked your system and invited myself to this interview.

Q: What did 2025 teach you that you will remember for the rest of your life?

A: Don't take your side piece to a Cold Play concert.

MAGA: I didn't vote for THIS!

Me: Yes you DID!

Really starting to doubt the credibility of the FIFA Peace Prize.

Just Sayin’.

Most people are assholes. Don't believe me? Next time you see a group of people, yell out, "Hey asshole!" They'll all turn around and look.

Next time you see a vegan sleeping, put a half eaten hamburger in their hand.

If you need the threat of hell to be a good person, then you're just a bad person on a leash.

If we are serious about saving the planet, we should stop printing calendars.

They're the reason our days are numbered.

Sign in front of a donut shop...

Come in and try the worst donut that one woman on Yelp ever had in her life.

I don't always read something mind-numbingly stupid,

but when I do it's always from a tRUMP supporter.

It’s ironic that hyphenated is not hyphenated but non-hyphenated is hyphenated.

The cruelest self-help joke is being told to “leave your comfort zone.”

Sir, I haven’t even found the comfort zone yet. I’ve been living in the ‘Mild-to-Severe Anxiety Zone’ my whole life. Can you give me the coordinates?

I'll never apollogize for my puns about Greek gods.

HELP! I've fallen and I can't think of a reason to get up! (Bilbo)

My nephew asked me where Walla Walla was located.

I told him somewhere between ting tang and bing bang.

King Charles is seeking to restore British rule over the US.

Shout out to everyone who got through the day without taking a nap. Pulled an all-dayer today. Pretty rough.

Remember when the FIFA peace prize used to mean something? (Debra)

The CEO of IKEA was elected as the Prime Minister of Sweden.

Really? What's he doing now?

Assembling his cabinet. (Debra)

Do you pronounce climb it and climate the same or differently?

The only thing Greenland has that America desperately needs is free Universal Healthcare.

I'm 59 and just found a book among my mother's books called "Is My Child Stupid"?

Well, it did take me until I was 59 to find it.

Her: Just be yourself and say something nice.

Me: I can't do both! (Deb)

I didn't mean to press all your buttons, I was trying to find mute. (Deb)

Me: I'm not trying to be a bitch, but...

Narrator: Oh, but she was trying to be a bitch. She was trying to be the bitchiest bitch that ever bitched about bitches. (Deb)

Thank you for the free 10-day trial of 2026. I'd like to unsubscribe from whatever the hell this is. (Bilbo)

I went to Costco today to buy eggs. We usually get brown eggs, but today all they had were white ones. I guess ICE got there first. (Bilbo)

Q: How were the pyramids built?

A: The pyramids were built before Newton discovered gravity so the stones weight wasn't a problem.

It’s astonishing how many people seem to think that public execution is a reasonable outcome for someone driving away from an ICE agent.

Octopus with gun in each hand looking at a cat...

Cat: You're one short buddy.

Adult life really boils down to four things...

Everything is expensive

I don't know what to eat

I'm tired

ibuprofen

Headline...

'Morgue Employee Cremated By Mistake While Taking A Nap'

I guess two people got fired that day.

Let's see if I have this correct...

If I get out of my car I get taken to a concentration camp regardless of my citizenship, but if I don't get out of my car I get shot in the head, right?

It's weird how you never hear about the Proud Boys anymore. It's almost like they all got jobs.

What is the cheapest meat you can buy? 

Deer balls. They're under a buck.

6600 - Thursday trees

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6599 - Medicare disAdvantage

John Oliver explains Medicare disAdvantage. Unfortunately, there are a few things that were new to me. It's his full show so it's 31 minutes but if you have Medicare it's worth watching.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ejoi9yfLVCc 

In it he mentions secondary hyperaldosteronism. Here's a link.

The article mentions a hormone called aldosterone.

I had a visit for the first time from the United Health Care NP. Little did I know what she was collecting information for.

6598 - Late joke Sunday

I know I know, I'm late!

An elderly woman rushed to the pharmacy to pick up medication, but when she returned to her car, she realized she had locked her keys inside.

Looking around, she spotted an old rusty coat hanger on the ground. She picked it up and whispered, “Lord, I have no idea how to use this.”

So she bowed her head and prayed, “Please, God, send someone to help me.”

Just minutes later, a beat-up old motorcycle pulled into the lot. A bearded man in a biker skull rag got off and asked, “Need some help, ma’am?”

She explained, “My daughter is sick. I’ve locked my keys in the car. I need to get home. Can you use this hanger to open it?”

The biker smiled and said, “Sure.” In less than a minute, her car was unlocked.

Overcome with emotion, she hugged the man and cried, "Thank you God, for sending me such a kind man!"

The biker chuckled and said, "Lady, I’m not a good man. I just got out of prison yesterday for car theft."

The woman hugged him even tighter and sobbed, "Oh, thank you God, you even sent me a professional!"