6716 - Saturday jokes

I knew a gal that had trouble losing weight. She finally reached her goal weight when she was cremated.

Hello,

I just started here and would like to request a

different email address. How am I supposed to

introduce myself to clients using this?

Logan Serrano

loser@corp.com

Mr. Serrano,

Unfortunately, email addresses are automatically

generated using the first two letters of your first name

and the first three letters of your last name. They cannot

be changed.

Believe me, I've asked.

Regards,

Peter Nisbett

In the end, Trump cost

Republicans the House, the

Senate, and a generational loss

of power across all 50 states.

The son of a bitch actually did it.

He made America great again.

When Hitler was 4 years old, he nearly drowned but a Catholic priest saved him.

So, real quick, if I could just talk to the Catholics for a second...

If that, and the leaders of your church molesting children was not enough to leave it,

and if we're being honest with ourselves it should be,

and they saved Hitler... no? ... Still not going to do it?

Well how about this, your weddings are too long!

How funny would it be if the first bill the Democrats passed was to vote to give people $5000 and make tRUMP veto it?

She was seeing this Italian guy for a while.

When ever he ate pussy he would say, "It's good, but it doesn't taste as good as my Ma's."

I hate when people show me pictures of their kids.

It's like, we get it, he's missing, move on!

Humans are deuterostomes, which means that when they develop in the womb the anus forms before any other opening. 

Which basically means at one point you were nothing but an asshole.

Some people never develop beyond this stage.

Two years ago people voted on this because they believed it, they said Democrats are going to make your kids trans.

You're going to take your kids to school and Democrats are going to make them trans.

And people believed that so they voted Republican.

And then this year, a lot of those same people saw $4.50 a gallon and went, "I'm sorry son. I'm going to let them do it."

On Friday you're going to school and they're going to cut your balls off.

While setting up a voice recognition password on my new phone, 

a dog barked nearby and ran away.

Now I'm looking for that dog to unlock my phone.

They found a 5.25" floppy.

I understand they finally managed to find a working 5.25" floppy disk drive.

They should have planes in the air again shortly.

Shoutout to everyone who takes the battery cover off the remote and

gives the batteries a little spin instead of changing them. (me)

I really think it's time to take the warning labels off everything and let stupidity work itself out.

Mick says to paddy, "Please keep you're windows and curtains closed when you're making love to your wife in future. 

All the neighbors were outside laughing at all the noises you were both making".

Paddy replies, "Well the jokes on them, I wasn't home yesterday!"

On today's show, I'll show you how to install a wall switch that will control nothing ... and will drive the next people who live here crazy for years.