3027 - College majors

Need to pick a major in college? Here are brief descriptions of 35 majors. The descriptions boil four years of college down to one short sentence.



Chemistry: Where alcohol IS a solution.

Biochemistry: Spend 4 years aspiring to discover the cure for cancer, and the rest of your life manufacturing shampoo.

Archaeology: If you don’t know what it is, it’s probably ceremonial.

Information Technology: Let me google that for you.

Computer Science (for a straight girl): The odds are good, but the goods are odd.

Political Science: Your opinion is wrong.

Aerospace Engineering: “It actually is rocket science.”

Engineering: The art of figuring out which parameters you can safely ignore.

Structural Engineering: Because architects don’t know what physics is.

Philosophy: Think about it…

Communications: “We'll teach you everything you need to know about convincing your friends that your degree is actually meaningful.”

Speech Pathology: We have ways of making you talk.

Linguistics: Studied 17 languages, am fluent in none of them.

Criminal Justice: We're here because of Law & Order reruns.

Photography: It’s worth a shot.

Statistics: Where everything’s made up and the numbers don’t matter.

Anthropology: It'll get you laid, but won’t get you paid!

Zoology: Because you can't major in kittens.

Psychology: good luck doing anything until you get your master’s!

Premed: “I’ll probably switch majors in 2 years.”

History: History may repeat itself, but you definitely will.

English: So you want to be a teacher.

Film: Forks on the left, knives on the right.

Astrophysics: “Eh, I’m within an order of magnitude.”

Creative Writing: Because job security is for pussies.

Latin: Because useful is overrated.

Physics: “Everything you learned last week is wrong.”

Nursing: Learning to save other’s lives while struggling not to take your own.

Marine Bio: “I wanted to play with dolphins…but I’m looking at algae instead.”

Accounting: Selling your soul for money.

Finance: “Accounting was too hard.”

Journalism: Learn how to construct an argument that no one will pay to listen to.

Art History: And you thought MAKING art was pointless!

Music Performance: If you don't hate yourself, you’re doing it wrong.

Graphic Design: No, we aren't artists. We are designers. There’s a difference.