Tech Support
Reportedly, all of the following exchanges really happened.
1. Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Customer: A gray one.
2. Customer: I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer: No ... wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry....
3. Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on the left side of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
4. Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Customer: Hello... I can't print.
Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and...
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates, damn it!
5. Customer: Hi, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says it can't find it.
6. Customer: I have problems printing in red.
Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah.............. thank you.
7. Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.
8. Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK.
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes.
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work.
9. Tech support: Your password is the small letter 'a' as in apple, a capital letter 'V' as in Victor, and the number '7'.
Customer: Is the 7 in capital letters?
10. Customer: I can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.
11. Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry... Internet Explorer.
12. Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend put a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.
13. Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?
14. A customer called the Canon help desk about a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine.
15. Tech support: Okay, press the 'control' and 'escape' keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now press the 'P' key to bring up the Program Manager.
Customer: I don't have a 'P' key.
Tech support: On your keyboard.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: 'P'..... on your keyboard.
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT !!! ( Click - dial tone )
Reportedly, all of the following exchanges really happened.
1. Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Customer: A gray one.
2. Customer: I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer: No ... wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry....
3. Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on the left side of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
4. Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Customer: Hello... I can't print.
Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and...
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates, damn it!
5. Customer: Hi, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says it can't find it.
6. Customer: I have problems printing in red.
Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah.............. thank you.
7. Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.
8. Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK.
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes.
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work.
9. Tech support: Your password is the small letter 'a' as in apple, a capital letter 'V' as in Victor, and the number '7'.
Customer: Is the 7 in capital letters?
10. Customer: I can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.
11. Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry... Internet Explorer.
12. Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend put a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.
13. Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?
14. A customer called the Canon help desk about a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine.
15. Tech support: Okay, press the 'control' and 'escape' keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now press the 'P' key to bring up the Program Manager.
Customer: I don't have a 'P' key.
Tech support: On your keyboard.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: 'P'..... on your keyboard.
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT !!! ( Click - dial tone )
Posts
10 comments:
12 is absolutely a winner
they're all really good
my aunt once told me she didn't understand what mice had to do with computers
I like number 4. I've wanted to do that a few times at work.
#15 is outstanding, and possibly shocking,
There's also the user who referred to the cup holder on his PC. It turned out to be the disc tray.
It's like the user and tech support are just totally on different wavelengths. I wonder how many newbies took the expression 'boot up your computer' literally?
Dainne - My computer's been around so long there might be a mouse living in it.
Andrea - When you call tech support you can always tell they are feeling you out as to how much of a techie you are.
Elvis - You mean you've never wanted to pee on your keyboard let alone the whole computer before?
Duck - I think I remember that one. It should have been on this list.
Angel - Like the keyboard thing, I've want to boot my computer many times before.
I don't think I can pick a favourite here.
Amanda - Just like back in 2009. You couldn't pick a favorite them either. You liked them all.
You then make these people call me don't you?
Today a woman wanted to know why I wanted her address? When I told her so we could send the technician to do the job. She said she'd have to ask her husband and hung up. He called back and booked the appointment appropriately. I fear she may have been too embarressed to call again after she thought about it.
Peg - Is this one going in your book? You are writing a book aren't you?
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