1998 - Facts About Men

Well... facts? Maybe.....


Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.

Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

If you buy your husband a video camera, for the first few weeks he has it, lock the door when you go to the bathroom. Most of my husband's early films end with a scream and a flush.

Be careful of men who are bald and rich; the arrogance of "rich" usually cancels out the nice of "bald."

Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible. In a world where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle.

Men are very confident people. My husband is so confident that when he watches sports on television, he thinks that if he concentrates he can help his team. If the team is in trouble, he coaches the players from our living room, and if they're really in trouble, I have to get off the phone in case they call him.

If it's attention you want, don't get involved with a man during play-off season.

Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.

Men love to be the first to read the newspaper in the morning. Not being the first is upsetting to their psyches.

All men look nerdy in black socks and sandals.

The way a man looks at himself in a mirror will tell you if he can ever care about anyone else.

Don't try to teach men how to do anything in public. They can learn in private; in public they have to know.

Men who are going bald often wear baseball caps.

All men are afraid of eyelash curlers. I sleep with one under my pillow, instead of a gun.

A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.

Men love gadgets and lots of it. My husband has practically everything from Sharper Image. Name it, he has it, but does he need all of them - I didn't think so.

All men hate to hear "We need to talk about our relationship." These seven words strike fear in the heart of even General Schwarzkopf.

Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.

Men are brave enough to go to war, but they are not brave enough to get a bikini wax.

All men think that they're nice guys. Some of them are not. Contact me for a list of names.

Men don't get cellulite. God might just be a man.

Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types: depressing and more depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and not nerdy.

Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.

Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I've never seen a man walk into a party and say, "Oh, my, I'm so embarrassed; get me out of here. There's another man wearing a black tuxedo."

Most men hate to shop. That's why the men's department is usually on the first floor of a department store, two inches from the door.