2252 - Day 2 jokes

What's the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don't know, and I don't care.

I was walking in the park and this guy waved at me. Then he said, 'I'm sorry, I thought you were someone else.' I said, 'I am.'

I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I'm good at everything.

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. Then I thought, Damn, I'm less nurturing than a desert.

Swimming is a confusing sport, because sometimes you do it for fun, and other times you do it to not die.

If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

Never argue with an idiot; he will bring you down to his level and win from experience.

If voting made any difference they wouldn't let us do it.

First, the doctor told me the good news. I was going to have a disease named after me.

If I ever saw an amputee being hanged, I'd just start calling out letters.

I'm good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know Y.

Is your ass jealous of the shit that comes out of your mouth?

I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.

I bought a twenty dollar pen, because I'm always losing pens and I'm tired of not caring.

A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.

An escalator can never break, it can only become stairs. You should never see an 'Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order' sign, just 'Escalator Temporarily Stairs'.

Rice is good when you want to eat a thousand of something.

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

I take my wife everywhere but she always finds her way back!

Technically, according to Chemistry, alcohol IS a solution.