2658 - A joke, some puns, and a groaner

A man and his young wife were in divorce court, but the custody of their children posed a problem.
The mother gets up and says to the judge that since she brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them.
The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his justification.
After a long silence, the man slowly rose from his chair and replied, "Your Honor, when I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Coke comes out, does the Coke belong to me or the machine?"


And the Lord said unto John, "Come forth and you will receive eternal life"
But John came fifth, and won a toaster.

A termite walked into a pub and asked: "Is the bar tender here?"

Two mice were chewing on a film roll. One of them goes: "I think the book was better."

A man walks into a zoo.
The only animal in the entire zoo is a dog.
It's a shihtzhu.

What was a more important invention than the first telephone?
The second telephone.

Did you hear about the two antennas that got married?
It was a nice ceremony..but the reception was amazing.

A farmer in the field with his cows counted 196 of them, but when he rounded them up he had 200.

How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Ten tickles.

What makes crop circles? - A pro-tractor

What did the inflatable principal say to the inflatable boy who brought a pin to the inflatable school?
Not only have you let me down, you've let yourself down, in fact you've let the entire school down.


A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom. First he goes to rent a tux, but there’s a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever. Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there’s a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers. Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there’s a large limo line at the rental office, but he’s patient and gets the job done. Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and within seconds he is back with punch for for his girlfriend. She says, "wow, you sure got this punch fast!" And he replies," yeah, there was no punchline"