2665 - Jewish theme

On his death bed, an old jew says to his wife, "Oh, Sarah, when the shop burned down you were right beside me, no? - Sure I was, Moshe.

When the Nazis drove us out of our beloved Deutschland you were beside me again, no? - I was, Moshe.

And now you're at my death bed, aren't you? I am, darling.

I'm starting to think you're bad luck, Sarah."



A Jewish man on his deathbed announces that he wishes to convert to Christianity before his death, and a priest arrives to perform last rites. His wife, crying, asks him what could compel him to abandon the religion he's followed for his entire life just before his death. With all the effort he can muster to speak, he whispers "better one of them, than one of us".



Moshe was on his death bed. Around him, the house was in mourning. His daughter was sitting by his bed. The old man stirs.

"Leah... is that your mother's kugel I smell?"

"Yes, father, it is."

"Ahhh... if I could have but one last piece of that wonderful kugel, I could die a happy man. Leah, please, go get me a piece"

"Ok dad." Leah goes off and and a minute later his wife, Sarah, enters.

"Moshe, for God's sake, you know perfectly well the kugel is for the memorial service!"



An old dying man invites 3 of his friends to his deathbed to ask a favor.

He says, "We've been as brothers for longer than I can remember, and while I was not rich in life, I would like to bring some wealth with me as I die. If you could each leave $5,000 in my coffin, it would bring me great peace."

The three men saw no fault in this, as they were all very rich, and all upstanding members of their respective communities.

Jim was a devout, aging Catholic, and he brought the five thousand in large bills, so as not to occupy much space in the coffin. He later told the members of his congregation, and oh how they lauded him on his selflessness to ease the mind of a dying friend.

Michael was a converted Muslim, and he feared that the dead had no use for paper money, so he converted the five thousand into gold for his friend, leaving the ingots next to the bills. He felt a great warmth inside of him, a feeling that can only be brought about by a good, charitable deed.

David was born Jewish, but wasn't so devout as many of his colleagues. He refused to buck off the stereotype and worked as a moneylender, a loan agent. Because of this, he understood how exchange rates worked and how trying to convert 3 different types of money to one may be hard for a man with little experience handling cash. Therefore, he wrote a check for fifteen thousand dollars, and took the gold and bills as change. He left his friend's side with such a great smile, he must have known the time he'd saved him in the afterlife.



Young José Hernandez was wanted by the police, but before his youthful, illegal indiscretions, his history is a most fascinating one. José was the illegitimate son of a nun, and he was raised in a convent in northeastern Spain, near Barcelona.

Among the skills he learned while growing up were flute and horn playing. Eventually he left the convent and became a musician of minor celebrity in the Barcelona area. However, as a flute player, gigs were infrequent.

Eventually "Joe" Hernandez escaped his low-paying musician's job in Spain and traveled to the Middle East, trying to eke out a living. But wages were either low or non-existent for a nun's son whose only skill was flute and horn playing. Joe tried farming, but never adjusted to rural life. After working as a part-time farmer and pushing a plow, he quit that job. Finding himself destitute in Israel, Joe was forced into a life of crime. He robbed a museum in the city of Haifa, Israel, and got away with many of the city of Haifa's historical relics.

The people were upset that their historical and religious icons had been pilfered. The Israeli police put out an all-points bulletin asking citizens to be on the lookout for a Haifa-lootin', flutin', tootin' son of a nun from Barcelona, part-time plowboy Joe.