2703 - A few jokes

A guy gets pulled over for speeding and the cop asked, "What was the hurry?"
He says, "My wife ran off with a police officer, and I was afraid you chasing me trying to give her back!"

So I took a biology test the other day. One of the questions was, "name two things commonly found in cells."
Apparently, young blacks and latinos was not the right answer.

My girlfriend caught me blow-drying my penis. She asked, "what the hell are you doing?!"
Apparently "heating up your dinner" wasn't the right answer.

A retired priest and a retired rabbi are friends in a retirement home. One day, the priest says to his rabbi friend, "Tell me, honestly, have you ever tried bacon?" The rabbi shrugs and says "Yes, in my youth, I gave into temptation and I had bacon, but tell me my friend, have you ever had sex?" The priest shrugs and says "I too, in my youth, gave into temptation." The rabbi leans over and smiles, "Better than bacon, isn't it."

Past, present and future walk into a bar. It was tense.

"So there I was, hunting rabbits, when all of the sudden, a huge grizzly bear comes out of nowhere, and starts chasing me. So I start running as fast as I can. But that bear was faster. As I kept running, he came closer, almost at his arm's range. I thought I was going to die, but the bear slipped and I had a few seconds to get ahead. But the bear was tough. He came closer once again, barely inches away from me, but he slipped again. I had just enough time to get to my cabin."
"You're a lucky man," says one of his buddies, "And you reacted better than I would have. I'd probably piss my pants or soil myself if a bear came after me."
The man looks at his friend and says: "Well what do you think the bear was slipping on?"

A farmer in the field with his cows counted 196 of them, but when he rounded them up he had 200.