3010 - Limericks

I found this first anti limerick first but it was followed with all these others. This is a 0.5X to 1.0X post depending on your tolerance levels.



There once was a poet named Bates,
His poems weren't always first rate,
His first lines weren't bad,
but the problem he had,
Was that he always tried to put too many syllables into the last line.


There once was a man from Seattle,
Whose balls were so dry that they'd rattle,
Said his girlfriend in fright,
Making love in the night,
This sounds like a stampede of cattle.


There once was a plumber named Lee
Who was plumbing his girl by the sea
She said, "stop your plumbing, there's somebody coming!"
Said the plumber, still plumbing, "it's me!"


There once was a man from west Ealing,
Who got on a bus to Darjeeling,
A sign on the door,
Said, "don't spit on the floor",
So he stood up and spat on the ceiling.


There was a young man from China
Who wasn't a very good climber
He slipped on a rock
Badly tore up his cock
And now he has a vagina


There once was a man from Peru
Who dreamed he was eating his shoe
He woke up with a fright
In the mid the of night
To find that his dream had come true


There was a young man from St. Bass,
Whose balls were made of spun glass,
When he rubbed them together,
They played Stormy Weather,
And lightning shot out of his ass!


There once was a pirate named Bates
Who on deck would always wear skates
'Till he tripped on his cutlass
Which rendered him nutless
And virtually useless on dates


A limerick depends for its clout
On rhythm and rhyme throughout
It grates on the ear
Whenever you hear
A line that shows the poet knows rhyme, but not what rhythm's about.


There was once a beautiful lass
Who had a magnificent ass
Twas not perky nor pink as you'd probably think
It was grey, had long ears, and ate grass


There once was a woman from Que
Who filled her vagina with glue
She said with a grin
If they pay to get in
They'll pay to get out of it too


There once was a woman named Anheuser
who swore no man could surprise her
but Pabst took a chance
found a Schlitz in her pants
and now she is sadder Budweiser


On the chest of a Barmaid at Yale
Was tattooed all the prices of ale
And on her behind
For the sake of the blind
Was the same information in braille


An Argentine gaucho named Bruno
said sex is one thing that I do know
women are fine
and sheep are divine,
but llamas are numero uno


There once was a lawyer named Rex
With minuscule organs of sex.
Arraigned for exposure,
He maintained with composure,
"De minimis non curat lex."
...(the law does not concern itself with small things)...