3200 - Saturday jokes

I have a phobia of over engineered buildings.
It's a complex complex complex.


If you were to second guess your decision to stay at a hotel on a native american reserve, that would be a reservation reservation reservation.


I used to work in an eastern european fraud office.
I had to check czech cheques.


A Mom visits her son for dinner who lives with a girl roommate.
During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty his roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between him and his roommate than met the eye.
Reading his mom's thoughts, the son volunteered, “I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, we are just roommates."
About a week later, his roommate came to him saying, “Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver plate. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"
He said ,"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure." He sat down and wrote : Dear Mother: I'm not saying that you ‘did' take the silver plate from my house, I'm not saying that you ‘did not' take the silver plate .. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner. Love, your son
Several days later, he received an email from his Mother which read:
Dear Son:
I'm not saying that you ‘do' sleep with your roommate, and I'm not saying that you ‘do not' sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the silver plate by now, under the pillow… Love, Mom.

I almost got raped in jail.
My family takes monopoly way too seriously.


A man was stopped by the police around 2 am. The officer asked him where he was going at that time of night. The man replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late." The officer then asked, "Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?" The man replied, "That would be my wife."


I went to see a topless ventriloquist last weekend.
She was awesome. I didn't see her lips move once.


The average person has sex 89 times a year.
This is going to be one hell of a week.


At a hotel restaurant, a man sees an attractive woman sitting alone at the next table. Suddenly, she sneezes, and a glass eye comes flying out of her eye socket. It hurls by the man, and he snatches it from the air and hands it back to her. "This is so embarrassing," the woman says, and she pops her eye back in place. "I'm sorry to have disturbed you. Let me buy dinner to make it up to you. May I join you?" He nods. The woman is a stimulating conversationalist, stunningly pretty, and the man finds they have a lot in common. He gets her phone number and asks, "You are the most charming woman I've ever encountered. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?" "No," she replies. "You just happened to catch my eye."


Where do poor meatballs live?
In the spaghetto.


Four men go hunting. They split up into pairs and hunt in different areas.
Later, two of the hunters come across the other pair to find one hunter bent over a tree stump with the other screwing him in the ass.
Shocked, the other hunters yell, "What the hell are you doing?"
The hunter who is doing the screwing says, "He had a heart attack."
To which the other hunters reply, "Well then you should have given him mouth-to-mouth resuscitation!"
He replies, "How do you think this got started?!"


I have a phobia of elevators.
When I get on one my heartbeat gets elevated.


America's favorite variety of sausage is called a hot dog.
At elevated temperatures, it's a hot hot dog.
I have a pet canine that really likes to eat these elevated temperature sausages. You might say he's a hot hot dog dog.
He eats them even when he's outside in the summer. On days like that, he's a hot hot hot dog dog.
One day my friend asked me why my pet was engorging himself on its favorite food in the middle of the summer. I said to him, "He's a hot hot hot dog dog, dawg."


What did Jeffrey Dahmer say to Lorena Bobbitt?
"You going to eat that?"