3289 - Saturday jokes

Knock knock..
Who's there?
Europe.
Europe who?
No, YOU'RE a poo!


Knock.
Knock knock.
Knock knock knock.
Knock knock knock knock knock.
Who's there?
Fibonacci.


What's the worst thing about being a Jehovah's witness?
Nobody asks, 'who's there?' when you try and tell a knock knock joke.


A man and a woman have been married for five years.
The couple has sex every night, and every night the man insists they make love in the dark. One night in the middle of love making the woman turns on the lights to find the man have sex with her with a dildo.
"Explain yourself", says the woman.
The man responds, "Fine, but first you explain the kids".


It's times like this I wish I'd listen to what my mother told me.
Why, what did she tell you?
I don't know. I didn't listen!


Behind every great man...
...is a very surprised mother-in-law.


My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic.
But if I'm going to have sex, it's going to be on my own Accord.


Two wives go out for girls' night. Both got drunk, started walking home and had to go to the bathroom. They stopped at a cemetery but had nothing to wipe with. One used her panties and the other grabbed a wreath off a grave. The next morning, one husband calls the other and says,
"No more girls' night out. My wife came back with no panties."
"You think you have it bad?" says the other, "Mine came back with a card stuck in her crack that read, "From all of us at the fire station... we will never forget you."


A family walks into a hotel and the father goes to the front desk and says "I hope the porn is disabled." The guy at the desk replies. "It's just regular porn you sick SOB."


So a man walks into a bar. He orders ten consecutive shots, and drinks them all within 45 seconds. The bartender says, "What's with the rush?" and the man replies, "You'd drink this fast if you had what I had." The bartender says, "What do you have?" The man replies quickly, "45 cents."


My ex wife invited me to her wedding.
Told her I was busy, but I would be there next time.


The guys were all at a deer camp. No one wanted to room with Bob, because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.
The first guy slept with Bob and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. They said, "Man, what happened to you? He said, "Bob snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night."
The next night it was a different guy's turn. In the morning, same thing, hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot. They said, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful! He said, "Man, that Bob shakes the roof with his snoring. I watched him all night."
The third night was Fred's turn. Fred was a tanned, older cowboy, a man's man. The next morning he came to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. "Good morning!" he said. They couldn't believe it. They said, "Man, what happened?"
He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Bob into bed, patted him on the butt, and kissed him good night. Bob sat up and watched me all night."


A little girl and boy are fighting about the differences between the sexes, and which one is better. Finally, the boy drops his pants and says, “Here’s something I have that you’ll never have!” The little girl is pretty upset by this, since it is clearly true, and runs home crying. A while later, she comes running back with a smile on her face. She drops her pants and says, “My mommy says that with one of these, I can have as many of those as I want!”


What does Bill Cosby do when he can't sleep at night?
He finishes her drink.


If fire hydrants have H2O inside them, what do they have outside?
K9P


Despite the fact that I'm a gentleman, I have no luck with women, I just always seem to screw things up.
Recently I saw an attractive woman. I decided to open the door for her. Unfortunately, she got sucked out of the plane.