3504 - Saturday jokes

A blonde was on vacation in Louisiana with her boyfriend. She wanted to take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes, but didn't want to pay a fortune for them. So she headed out to the swamp, determined to catch herself an alligator. Her boyfriend stayed at the hotel. Later that day, she stood waist deep in the murky bayou water, shotgun in hand. She heard the unmistakable purr of a full-grown gator, spotted it drifting by and shot it dead! She pulled it out of the water and examined it. "Nope... no good!" she said and headed back for more. She did this all day, killing upwards of a dozen gators before heading back to the hotel in defeat. As she flopped down on the bed, her boyfriend asked: "Did you catch any gators?" "Yeah," replied the disappointed and exhausted blonde, "but they were all barefoot!"


In the morning, I woke up on the floor next to my bed.
I must have fallen asleep.


Mother Theresa goes to heaven. She's walking around and sees so many famous people. She runs into princess Diana and cant help but notice that Diana's halo is bigger than hers. Mother Theresa storms out and finds god.
"Why is princess Diana's halo larger than mine. I gave my life to you. Lived the life you told me to live. All she did was marry into a royal family."
God calms her down and says, "That's not a halo, that's a steering wheel."


Dr. Frankenstein entered a bodybuilding competition.


What’s the difference between prayer in church and prayer in a casino?
In a casino, you really mean it.


A Chinese man and a Jewish man are in an elevator. As they ascend floors, the Jewish man turns to the Chinese man and blurts out "You know what? I don't like Chinese people too much." Taken back, the Chinese man asks him why. "Because you guys were responsible for Pearl Harbor!" Shocked, the Chinese man responds "That was the Japanese." The Jew snapped back "Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same."
Understandably perturbed, the Chinese man retorts: "Well you know what? I don't really like Jews too much." Expectedly, the Jewish man asks him why. "Because you guys sunk the Titanic!" Flabbergasted, the Jewish man exclaims, "What are you talking about!? That was an iceberg!"
"Iceberg, Greenberg, Steinberg, you're all the same!"


New study reveals that women slightly overweight live longer...
than the men who mention it.


Son - "Mom, don't get scared but I'm calling you from the hospital."
Mom - "Son, you've been a doctor for 4 years, this shit is getting old!"


Last night I found out that my wife has conditional gender dysphoria.
She said that she needed to be Frank with me.


Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me.
It means a lot.