3630 - Saturday jokes

What do the movies titanic and the sixth sense have in common.
Icy dead people


A college teacher noticed that his exchange student, Dave, suddenly had started attracting a lot of female attention.
So, one day he asked Dave about his secret. Dave replied: "Well, before sex I simply whip out my willy and smack it against the bedside table, like a hammer. It numbs it up and makes me last longer".
Later that day, the college teacher gets home to his wife and finds her in the shower - a welcome opportunity for sex. So, he quickly undresses and starts banging his dick against the dresser, just before hearing his wife calling from the shower:
"Is that you, Dave?".


What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?
One’s a Goodyear. The other’s a great year.


A teenage boy was delivering papers to an apartment house. While there, a stunning young woman came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing only a robe. The boy smiled at the young woman and she started up a conversation with him. As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on. The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.
After a few minutes of flirting, she placed her hand on his arm and said, "Let's go to my apartment, I hear someone coming."
He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against it, allowing her robe to fall off completely. Now nude, she purred at him, "What would you say is my best feature?"
Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, "It has to be your ears."
Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, "My ears? Look at these breasts; they are a full 38 inches and 100 percent natural. I work out every day and my ass is firm and solid. I have a 28 inch waist. Look at my skin, not a blemish anywhere, how can you say the best part of my body is my ears?"
Clearing his throat, he stammered, "Outside when you heard someone coming... that was me"


My wife treats me like God, she ignores me until she wants something .


I wanted to start a business selling premium dildos.
But I couldn't compete with Apple selling overpriced stuff for assholes.


After my girlfriend got pregnant, everything changed.
My address, my job, my phone number.


“Poor Old fool,” thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. So he invited the old man inside for a drink. As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he’d humor the old man and asked, “So how many have you caught today?”
The old man replied, “You’re the eighth.”



I'm really upset with my new Thai wife.
I shouldn't have assumed "male order bride" was a typo.


I would like to be poor one day.
Because being poor everyday is hard.


I have a step ladder.
I never knew my real ladder.