3754 - Thursday jokes

I should be saving all these jokes for Saturday jokes. But I'm not very inspired right now to look for other stuff to blog about. So let the jokes continue!
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If you did something “like a boss” you’d probably just pay someone else to do it.

You don’t need to drive me crazy, I’m close enough to walk.

I ran my first marathon this morning. Just kidding. I’m on my third cupcake.

Some people just need a high-five. To the back of the head.

You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.

If we were on a sinking ship, and there was only one life vest... I would miss you so much.

If you’re not supposed to eat at night, why is there a light bulb in the refrigerator?

Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off.

I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure...

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

The average human body contains enough bones to make an entire human skeleton.

My speech isn’t slurred, I’m just talking in cursive.

I didn’t make it to the gym today. That makes 10 years in a row.

Don’t make fun of a man with a lisp. He’s probably thick and tired of it.

A journey of 1000 miles starts with 1 step… unless you’re in an airplane.

Always give 100%. Unless you’re giving blood.

If your shirt isn’t tucked into your pants, then your pants are tucked into your shirt.

The best karate instructor is a spider web to the face.