Saturday, October 07, 2017
3833 - Saturday jokes
A difficult customer walked into the shop that Jim didn't want to deal with, so he grabbed a mop and pretended to clean up a mess.
The manager came over and asked him what he was doing. After telling him that he was cleaning, the manager said, "It doesn't look messy here."
Jim replied, "Why, thank you!"
1948; "Did you hear, the Jewish people finally got their own country? Is this real?" "Yes, it is real!"
As a Canadian, every time I hear a bad joke about being Canadian, I go right to the Hospital and get my feelings checked for free.
A fellow bought a new Corvette and was out on an interstate for a nice evening drive.
The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph he suddenly saw a flashing red and blue light behind him.
"There ain't no way they can catch a Corvette," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100, 130 and finally 150 with the light still behind him. "What the hell am I doing?" he thought and pulled over.
The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car.
"I've had a tough shift and this is my last pull over. I don't feel like more paperwork so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before you can go!"
"Last week my wife ran off with a cop," the man said, "and I was afraid you were trying to give her back!"
"Off you go," said the officer.
I gave my girlfriend a glue-stick instead of her lipstick.
She's still not talking to me.
If two white supremacists get a divorce.
Do they still consider each other cousins?
God making the first human...
Assistant: Is it done?
God: Hmmm, add a little toe.
Assistant: Why?
God: Furniture.
Assistant: Furniture?
God: Believe me, it will be fun.
An old cowboy walks into a barbershop in Red Lodge, Montana for a shave and a haircut. He tells the barber he can’t get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age. The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells the old cowboy to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.
When he’s finished, the old cowboy tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he’d had in years, but he wanted to know what would have happened if he had accidentally swallowed the little ball.
The barber replied, “Just bring it back in a couple of days like everyone else does”.
I don't make jokes about boxing.
I can't come up with a punchline.
After finally getting the girl to his house and undressing her, he asks her, "How old are you?"
"13", she replies.
"Oh god, get dressed and get out of my house!" shouts the man with a trembling voice.
"Jesus Christ dude", she says disappointed, "Didn't know you were so superstitious".
Why is Chick-fil-a so successful?
They figured out how to sell fried chicken to white people.
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4 comments:
Remind me to never get a close shave in Montana!
I'd always wondered about little toes...
ppffftttt!
Remind me to never get a close shave in Montana!
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