3896 - Saturday jokes

I don't know what this WiFi guy did.
But I've seen a ton of bars and restaurants demanding his freedom lately.


The oldest computer can be traced to Adam and Eve.
It was an Apple.
But with extremely limited memory - just one byte.


An very attractive woman took a seat next to me at a bar last night.
And then moved it to a table of her friends.


I have a phobia of over-engineered buildings.
It's a complex complex complex.


What my girlfriend thought, first four dates:
    1.Nice shirt.
    2.Wow. A second nice shirt.
    3.OK, first shirt again.
    4.He has two shirts.


I’m addicted to seaweed.
I must seek kelp.


A man sunbathes in the nude and ends up burning his penis.
His doctor tells him to ease the pain by dipping it in a saucer of cold milk. Later, his blonde wife comes home and finds him with his dick in a saucer of cold milk.
"Good heavens!" she remarks "I always wondered how you reloaded that thing!"

My girlfriend says I'm an idiot who can't do anything right.
So I packed her bags and left.


I was going to commit suicide by swallowing a thousand aspirins.
But after I'd taken two I felt much better.


A woman is accused of beating her husband half to death with his guitar collection.
The judge looks down at her and asks, "First offender?"
The woman replies, "Nope, first a Martin, then a Gibson, then a Fender."


We conducted an online survey and found that out of the world's population, 0% of people are Amish.


I tried asking a Ouija Board for the name of my future wife.
The planchette kept moving from H to A and back. What kind of name is Hahaha??


My wife asked me why I never go to confession.
I told her I just clear my browser history when I want to wash away my sins.