3980 - Saturday jokes

The US, England and Ireland are presented with a question. Why is the head of the penis larger than the shaft?
The US funds a study for 6 months at $20 million, and concludes it is to give the man more pleasure during sex.
The UK not to be outdone by the Yankees, spend 3 months and half the money, and concludes it's to give the woman more pleasure during sex.
The Irish, not to be outdone by anyone spend a weekend drinking, came back Monday morning concluding it's to keep the man's hand from flying off and hitting himself in the forehead.


Doctor: Well, it looks like you're pregnant.
Woman: Oh my God, I'm pregnant?!
Doctor: No, it just looks like you are.


A shark is teaching his son how to hunt humans...
Alright son, you start with circling your pray. Every once in a while you take a nibble out of them. And then after a few rounds you finally attack and eat them.
The son confused asks his father; why can't I just attack and eat them from the start? Its definitely quicker!
The father replies; Well that depends son.
The son asks again; on what?
The father says; Do you like your humans full of shit or do you prefer them empty?


A barber got arrested in my area for dealing drugs and I’m totally shook. I’ve been his customer for years and never knew he was a barber.


Everyone knows Albert Einstein was a genius.
But his brother, Frank, was a real monster.


100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars.
Today, everyone has a car and only the rich have horses.
The stables have turned.


Her: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Me: Why?
Her: To get to the ugly guy's house.
Me:???
Her: Knock knock
Me: Who's there?
Her: It's the chicken!


Secret Service no longer yells, “Get down, Mr President”, any more when the President is under attack.
Now they yell, “Donald, duck”.


A guy is visiting a museum of natural history.
He's examining some fossils when he asks a curator how old they are.
"Those fossils are 65 million years and six months old." The curator says. The man asks the curator how he can know the age of the fossils so precisely.
"Because they were 65 million years old when I started here six months ago."