4043 - Saturday jokes

A Chinese man walks into a bar.
He goes up to the bartender and asks for a pint of Guinness.
The barman says, "No I'm sorry buddy, I can't serve you."
"Why is it because I'm Chinese?!!" he says.
The barman says, "No, you're too young."
The Chinese man looks baffled...
"How do you know my name?"


The dad says to his son, "I took all your toys to the orphanage."
The son answers, "Why did you do that?!"
Dad, "So you don't get bored."


A husband and his wife were always fighting each other.
When they had a confrontation, screaming and yelling could be heard deep into the night.
The woman would shout, "When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life."
Neighbours feared her and the woman liked the fact that she was feared.
To everyone's relief, she died of a heart attack. Her husband had a closed casket at the wake.
After the burial he went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow. His neighbours, concerned for his safety, asked, "Aren't you afraid that she may indeed be able to dig her way up and out of the grave and come back to haunt you for the rest of your life?"
The husband put down his drink and said, "Let her dig. I had her buried upside down."


Scientist: "My findings are meaningless if taken out of context."
Media: Scientist claims "Findings are meaningless."


A man notices his wife’s butt is getting big.
“I bet your butt is as big as my grill.”
His wife rolls her eyes, but he gets a tape measure, measures her bottom, measures the grill, and teases her that they’re about the same size.
That night, he tries to see if he can get lucky. “Not tonight,” says his wife.
He asks her why not, to which she responds, “Do you really think I’m going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weiner?”


A husband and wife were grocery shopping when the husband picked up a case of Budweiser and placed it in the cart. "What do you think you're doing?" asked the wife.
"It's on sale. Only $10 for a case," he replies.
"We can't afford it. Put it back," demands the wife. They continue shopping and a few minutes later the wife puts a $20 jar of face cream into the cart.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the husband.
"It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful," replies the wife.
"So does the Budweiser and it's half the price," retorts the husband.


Wife: "I have blisters on my hands from the broom."
Husband: "Next time take the car."


My wife said if I bought her one more stupid present, she would burn it.
So I bought her a candle.

A guy in a restaurant stops a pretty blonde waitress as she passes by his table.

"Excuse me, Miss. Can I ask you a question about the menu, please?"

She throws a drink in his face. "The men I please are none of your damn business!"