4071 - Saturday jokes

Why don't white supremacists take calculus in high school?
They don't want to see integration in their schools.


Saw a falcon eating avocado toast.
Guess it's a millennial falcon.


Whats an epileptics favorite food?
Siezure salad.


What do you call a pizza joint run by epileptic midgets?
Little Seizure's.


Shortly after the Revolutionary War, the American war hero Ethan Allen was in London for some business.
His hosts were very patriotic Englishmen, so there was inevitably some tension between them. One day, they acquired a portrait of George Washington and hung it in their outhouse, so that you could only see it when you were seated and the door was closed.
After Ethan came in from using it later that day, they asked him if he noticed anything different. He said he noticed the portrait. When asked what he thought of it, he replied that he found it very appropriate for an Englishman to put it there. His confused hosts pressed him for an explanation, to which he replied, "Nothing makes an Englishman shit quicker than the sight of General Washington."


A philosopher, a mathematician, and a physicist were at starbucks.
The mathematician turns to the physicist sitting next to him and says "You know, physics is just applied mathematics!"
They all have a good laugh, at which point the philosopher interjects from across the table. "And mathematics is just applied philosophy!"
The laughter roars even louder, and then the physicist turns to the philosopher.
"Just shut up and make my coffee."


Bricks have a frustrating sex life.
They're hard all the time, but only get laid once.


I met a 14 year old girl on the internet.
She was clever, funny, flirty, and sexy.
I suggested we meet up.
She turned out to be an undercover detective.
How cool is that at her age?


A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement.
He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife, "Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.
One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home, Mother of Six?"
His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts right back, "Any time you're ready, Father of Four."


What do you call a prison full of kangaroos?
Australia.


People with Alzheimer's should not throw boomerangs.


I work in a factory that makes Dracula figurines.
However, there are only 2 employees so I make every second count.