4099 - Saturday jokes

A Catholic girl is set to marry a man from Greece.
The night before the wedding, the girl’s mother takes her aside and warns her about the reputation Greek men have:
“Now you listen to me, Sunshine- those Greeks like their sex... a certain way, if you catch my drift. If he ever tells you to flip over so he can have you another way, I want you to pack your bags and come right home to your mama!”
2 week’s later, Mom gets a knock on her door at midnight.
“It happened just the way you said it would, Mama! We were having sex the usual way when all of a sudden, he asked me to flip over and do it with the other hole!”
“Aha! And what did you tell him?”
“I told him, ‘my mama said if you ever wanted to do it in the other place, I was supposed to pack my things and come home!’”
“Good girl! And what did he say to that?”
“He said, ‘But Honey! Don’t you want to have a baby?’”


Opinions are like orgasms. I can have one at home using the internet and that’s fine but if I have one at a party everybody asks me to leave.


Julie Andrews will no longer be endorsing Revlon Vibrant Shades lipstick, as she claims it breaks too easily and makes her breath smell.
In a statement she said, "The super color fragile lipstick gives me halitosis."


What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is all the time?
A widow.


A teacher asks the class to name things that end with 'tor' that eat things.
The first little boy says, "Alligator.""Very good, that's a big word."The second boy says, "Predator." "Yes, that's another big word. Well done." Little Johnny says, "Vibrator, Miss." After nearly falling off her chair, she says, "That is a big word, but it doesn't eat anything." "Well my Mum has one and she says it eats batteries like there's no tomorrow!"


Teacher makes a call to her student to inform: "I'm busy tomorrow, so no class."
The student makes a call to his dad immediately: "I'm off tomorrow lets go to picnic!"
The dad makes a call to his secretary immediately: " I'm busy tomorrow, lets postpone our date to the next day!"
The secretary makes a call to her husband: "Honey, i'm not going out on a business trip tomorrow, lets hangout!"
The husband makes a call to the teacher: "Honey, my wife is off tomorrow, you don't come.
The teacher makes another call to the student: "Class is back on for tommorow."


Someone just threw a bottle of Omega 3 tablets at me.
Lucky my only injuries were super fish oil.