4127 - Saturday jokes

I put the sexy in dyslexic.


Give a Nigerian a fish and he will eat for a day.
Teach a Nigerian to phish and he becomes a prince.


I went in for an interview and was asked, "Do you have any special skills?"
I said, "I perform under pressure well"
He replied, "Can you give me an example?"
I started, "Mm ba ba de, Um bum ba de, Um bu bu bum da de."
( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o8DW-QolX5s)


What if Thor became Gold Thor?
He would become an AUthor.


I told my therapist that I've been having suicidal tendencies.
He made me start paying in advanced.


A guy walks into a bar and orders a pint of less.
The bartender asks, "What's less?"
The guy says, "I don't know but the doctor told me I have to start drinking it."


What did Spartacus say to the cannibal who killed his wife?
Nothing, he's Gladiator.


Why do The Brit’s still use ‘u’ in words like “colour” and “armour”?
Because Rick Astley is British.
(Never gonna give u up.)


I was sitting on a train next to a hot Thai girl.
I thought to myself, "Please don't get an erection, please don't get an erection."
But.....she did.


What’s the definition of trust?
Two gay cannibals giving each other a blow job.


What’s the difference between praying in church and praying in a casino?
When you pray in a casino you really mean it.


Apparently, you can only say, "Look at you! You got so big!" to children.
Old girlfriends seem to get offended.


Shout out to those who don’t know the opposite of in.