4134 - Saturday jokes

I tried to tell the farmer a sheep joke.
Turns out he'd herd them all before.


What do you call it when computer science majors make fun of each other?
Cyber boolean.


A young girl hit puberty and her body started to change. One day she noticed she was getting hair down there. She went to her mom confused and the mom explained, “that’s your monkey and it’s getting hair." Very excited the young girl went to her older sister and exclaimed. “my monkey is getting hair!" The older sister looked at her and said “that’s nothing, my monkey is already eating bananas.”


One out of 3 people is addicted to drugs.
Look at the person on your left.
Now look at the person on your right.
Chances are one of them has some drugs to share with you.


If I had a penny for every time someone said they think I have OCD...
I'd have 1,526 pennies.


I once tried to make a square but I ended up with an octagon.
That’s what happens when you cut corners.
(And once you get to an octagon, it's a sign that you should stop.)


A bad workman blames his fools.
*edit: tools. Stupid keyboard.


I can't believe I got fired just for taking a day off.
I'm never working for a calendar company again.


I got fired for drinking on the job.
I'm never working at a blood bank again.


A dung beetle walks into a bar.
He asks, “Is this stool taken?”


A man was admitted to the emergency room with 6 plastic horses stuck in his butt. The doctors described his condition as stable.


A 90-year-old man said to his doctor, "I've never felt better. I have an 18-year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?"
The doctor considered his question for a minute and then said, "I have an elderly friend who is a hunter and never misses a season. One day when he was going out in a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his umbrella instead of his gun.
When he got to the Creek, he saw a beaver sitting beside the stream. He raised his umbrella and went, 'bang, bang' and the beaver fell dead. What do you think of that?" The 90-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else shot that beaver."
The doctor replied, "My point exactly."


Will glass coffins become a thing?
Remains to be seen.