4141 - Saturday jokes

"Daddy, how do stars die?"
"Drugs, normally."


After winning the game, I threw the ball into the crowd just like they do on TV.
Apparently that's unacceptable in bowling.


Given the terms “crab”, “tuna”, “lobster”, and “Chinese guy caught in an avalanche of boulders”, which does not fit?
Ans: “tuna”. The other 3 are crushed asians.


How does NASA identify dead planets?
They look through the orbituaries.


Nine of ten doctors agree:
Getting paid to endorse things is awesome.


Why is English considered the easiest language to learn?
Because even the Americans are decent at it!
(Their is no more better langauge then English!)


I once went to a costume party dressed as an chicken and hooked up with a girl dressed as an egg.
We answered a age old question that night.


Would the person who schedules the girls at a brothel...
...be called the whore-ganizer?


What do you call a kid who finally stood up to the bullies?
An ambulance.


A drunk staggers into a church one evening, goes into the confessional box and sits down. He doesn't say a word.
The priest coughs to try and get his attention. There's no response so the priest coughs again. There's still no response from the drunk.
The priest coughs a couple of more times and still doesn't get any response, so finally he pounds on the wall.
The drunk slurs, "There's no use knocking. There's no paper on this side either."


Just got fired from the keyboard factory the other day.
Apparently I wasn’t putting in enough shifts.


My buddy was dating twins I asked him how he could tell them apart, and he replied, "That's easy. Barbara has really big tits and Bob has a mustache."