4155 - Saturday jokes

Me: "I work with animals every day."
She: "Ohh, how sweet! What is it that you do?"
Me: "Im a butcher."


I went to the doctors office the other day and found out my new doctor is a young female, drop dead gorgeous.
I was embarrassed but she said “Don’t worry, I’m a professional, I’ve seen it all before, just tell me what’s wrong and I'll check it out.”
I said, “My wife thinks by dick tastes funny”.
So she cut a piece off and sent it to the lab.


When a woman removes polish with chemicals, no one bats an eye.
When Hitler removeb Polish with chemicals, everyone went crazy.
Anne frankly, I found this offensive.


The toothbrush was invented in (fill in name of state you don't like).
If it had been invented anywhere else it would be called a teethbrush.


Dad what do condoms do?
Prevent questions like that one son.


A blonde is on the bus when this guy gets on with both of his front trouser pockets full of golf balls and sits down next to her. The confused blonde keeps looking at him and his bulging pockets.
He notices her looking and eventually, after many such glances from her, he says, “It’s golf balls.”
Nevertheless, the blonde continues to look at him for a very long time, appearing to think deeply about what he had said.
After several minutes, she can’t contain her curiosity any more and asks, “Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?”


I picked up a hitchhiker last night. He seemed surprised that I'd pick up a stranger and asked, "Thanks, but why would you pick me up? How do you know I'm not a serial killer?"
I told him the chances of two serial killers being in one car would be astronomical.


I tried to do a cartwheel the other day thinking it was like riding a bike. It's not.


Wife: I'm sick of him jeopardizing our relationship.
Therapist: Your response Steve?
Husband: I'll take Karen is a major bitch for $400.


There's an old saying about those who forget history. I don't remember it, but it's good.


I told my niece that I saw a moose on the way to work this morning
She said, “How do you know he was on his way to work?”


Overcome with the beauty of the Earth from space, the astronaut removed his helmet.
The view was breathtaking.