4169 - Saturday jokes

An officer pulls over a car with 5 elder women on the freeway.
Approaching the car he notices the women in the back of the car are pale white and wide-eyed.
The women were visibly confused about being pulled over and asked, “ Why was I pulled over I was going exactly 22 mph?
The officer tells her she wasn’t speeding but she was going a lot slower than the speed limit.
She responds I was going the exact speed limit of 22 MPH.
He laughs and says the that was the route number and not the speed limit.
The women smiled out of embarrassment and thanked the officer.
Just before the officer walked off he asked if everyone is ok in the car.
The women respond, “They will be in a minute. We just got off route 119.”


What do you get when you spell "man" backward?
Flashbacks


My father always told me you gotta fight fire with fire.
Great guy, horrible firefighter.


I have a pet tree.
It's kind of like a pet dog, but the bark is quieter.


My wife and I went on our honeymoon to Australia...
Unfortunately, I had to dial the helpline.
"G'day this is Tim, you've reached the Aussie helpline. How can we help ya mate?"
I told him, "We were in the ocean and my wife was stung by a jellyfish on her lady parts. Her vagina is completely swollen shut. It's our honeymoon, and well....you know."
The guy on the helpline replies, "Ah, bummer mate!"
I say, "I hadn't thought of that! Thanks for the advice. You've saved my honeymoon!"


It took a week to cut my lawn...
It was a slow-mo


My 7-year-old nephew showed me with pride the "telephone" he had just made from a string and two tin cans. I pulled out my cell phone and said, "That's nice, but look at what kids your age make in China!"