4240 - Saturday jokes

I told my boss I needed a raise because three other companies were after me.
He asked, "What companies?"
"Gas, water, and electric."


A chicken and a horse were playing together in a barnyard.
Suddenly the horse falls into a pit. He yells to the chicken, "Go get the farmer, save me, save me!" The chicken goes looking for the farmer but can't find him. So he gets the farmer's BMW and drives it over to the mud pit, lassos the horse, ties it to the car and pulls him out. The horse says, "Thank you, I owe you my life."
A couple days later they're playing again and this time the chicken falls into the pit and calls the horse, "Help me Help me! Go get the farmer!" The horse looks everywhere, but he can"t find the farmer, and he then says to the chicken, "Its, OK, I think I can get you out on my own." The horse stretches across the mud pit and tells the chicken, "Grab onto my dick." The chicken grabs on, the horse stretches back, thus, the horse saves the chicken's life. Moral of the story: If you're hung like a horse, you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks."


A guy walks into a bar...
He strolls up to the bartender and says “I’ll take.......a pint of Guinness........and a bowl.....of popcorn.”
The bartender pours his beer and sets some popcorn in front of him. The gentlemen reaches for his beer, revealing that he is wearing two EXTREMELY large fake bear hands.
Curiosity getting the better of him, the bartender asks the guy, “Why the big paws?”
The guy looks at the bartender and says,
“I have......a speech impediment......asshole.”


As a painless way to save money, a young couple arranged that every time they have sex the husband puts his pocket change into an old school china piggy bank on the bedside table. One night while being unusually athletic, he accidentally knocked the piggy bank onto the floor where it smashes.
To his surprise, among the masses of coins, there are handfuls of five and ten dollar bills. He asks his wife "What's up with all the bills?", to which his wife which replies, "Well, not everyone is as cheap as you are."


When girls remove polish with chemicals no one bats an eye.
But when Nazis removed Polish with chemicals everyone went crazy!
(I did Nazi that coming, Anne Frankly I think this is a repeat, Jewish you had thought of the joke?)


My email account got hacked again.
This is the third time I've had to rename my cat.


The only thing flat earthers fear...
Is sphere itself.


One of my friends thought the world was flat, so he decided to walk in one direction until he reached the end of the earth. In the end, he came around.