4247 - Saturday jokes

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption.
One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named ‘Amal.’
The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan’. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.
Her husband responds, ”But they are twins. If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Amal.”


My girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman and told me I was under arrest on suspicion of being good in bed.
After 2 minutes all charges were dropped due to a lack of evidence.


Stalin asked Hitler if he wants to hear a joke.
Hitler says, "Yes." Stalin then says, "Moscow." Hitler replies with, "I don't get it?" Stalin laughs and says, "And you never will."


The lion is celebrating a party. All animals are invited, only the hamster is not.
The hamster does not want to miss the party and asks the rabbit: "Hey, rabbit, can´t you smuggle me in behind your big ears to the lion's party?" The rabbit´answers, "Nope, I'm not tired of life, if the lion noticed that, it would be my end."
The hamster then asks the fox: "Listen, fox, can´t you smuggle me in your bushy tail to the lion's party?" The Fox: "Are you crazy, if the lion gets it right, then I´ll be dead."
Finally, the hamster asks the bear and he says, "No problem, I can smuggle you in my breast pocket."
When the bear visits the party in the evening, the lion asks him: "I've heard that the hamster wants to be smuggled into my party, you probably will not support him, will you?" The bear: "No, of course not!" The lion then says, "Then you certainly don´t mind emptying your breast pocket." The bear answers: "Sure, no problem, here's my purse, here's my bowl, here's my ID." Suddenly the bear hits the chest with full force. "And here's a picture of the hamster."


Why aren't people in Afghanistan allowed to watch TV?
Because of the telly ban.


My wife walked in on me after my shower while I was blow drying my dick and balls and asked, "What the hell are you doing?"
Apparently "heating up your dinner" was not the best answer.


I’ve just been told I have xenophobia.
I bet I caught it from some damn foreigner.


Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar.
You can't tell me that's just a coincidence.