4268 - Saturday jokes

"How many times have you listened to that song?!"
"I don't know, how many slices of bread have you eaten in your life?"


When my kid said he wanted to play with an X-box, I told him I did too but his mother would never let me get away with it.


I was there when they invented the shovel.
At the time, it was groundbreaking.


How many Germans does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one. They're efficient and have no sense of humor.


:) How many Men does it take to open a bottle of beer?
None, it should be open when she hands it to you.


Where's the only living gay Saudi Arabian?
Just past a stone's throw away.


Four engineers get into a car. the car won't start.
The mechanical engineer says:
"It's a broken starter."
The electrical engineer:
"Dead battery."
The chemical engineer:
"Impurities in the gasoline."
The IT engineer:
"Let's all get out of the car and get back in".


What's the difference between a raven and a crow?
A raven has 17 primary wing feathers, the big ones at the end of the wing. They're called pinion feathers.
A crow has 16.
So, the difference between a raven and a crow is basically a matter of a pinion.


Spock actually had 3 ears.
A left ear, a right ear, and a final front ear.


As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden.
The plot thickens...


Two best friend olives are rolling around on the ground.
As they are rolling and playing one of the olives get squished. In complete shock, the one olive says, "are you okay?!?" The squished friend says, "olive!"


I messed up by placing flowers on the wrong headstone in the cemetery.
It was a grave mistake.