4254 - Saturday jokes

What do Harry Potter and Kermit the Frog's penis have in common?
Hogwarts.


When someone says, "You are the last person on my list I would want to hurt!", there are two things to consider...
Do they already have a list and are you are on it.


Dad at breakfast: I’ll have bacon and eggs, please.
Waiter: How do you like your eggs?
Dad: I don’t know, I haven’t gotten them yet!


Doctor: Do you want the good news first, or the bad news?
Man: Good news first please, doc!
Doctor: We’re naming a disease after you.


Why do riot police like to go to work early?
To beat the crowd.
...
And they always arrive early – you can baton that.
These puns are a gas.
They are making me tear.
Police make it stop.
That's SWAT she said.
I don nut want any more of those officer.
Someone shield me from this.


I´ve just downloaded the Queen movie, Bohemian Rhapsody!
I think it was filmed in a cinema though, as I see a little silhouetto of a man.


I hate that clown from IT.
Always joking around instead of fixing those damn computers.



Two blondes went out deer hunting and they managed to shoot a deer. They started dragging the deer by the hind legs to get it back to their pickup truck.

An experienced hunter saw them and said, "No, girls, you're doing it wrong. You're dragging against the grain of the deer's hair. If you drag by the antlers, you'll be pulling with the grain of the hair, and it will be much easier."

So the two blondes started dragging their deer by the antlers. After about 20 minutes, one said to the other, "You know, that old guy was right! It's so much easier to drag the deer by the antlers, it's like it's just gliding along the ground."

"Yeah, he was," said the other blonde. "But we sure are getting far away from our pickup."