4259 - Tweets

Here are some Christmasy tweets...


What part of “I don’t wanna spend any more money” don’t I understand?


This is that magical time of year when me and my brother in law exchange money in the form of gift cards of equal value.


Experts agree the best way to save money on gift giving this holiday season is by alienating all your friends and family.


My future wife better love the holidays bc if she thinks I’m not spending our entire savings on Christmas lights and matching pajamas then she’s mistaken.


“Don’t spend a lot of money on a one year old for Christmas because they won’t remember.”


It’s that time of year where I have to climb back into the car through the trunk because there’s too many cars parked too close together for Christmas shopping.


This Christmas you can be your own secret Santa by taking Ambien and shopping on Amazon.


running into traffic > Christmas shopping at the mall


If anyone wants to get me a Christmas gift I prefer a size 4 years in tuition money.


:(  When u open a Christmas card with no money in it.


[Christmas morning]
WIFE: You forgot to buy me a present again, didn't you?
ME: How dare you. [hurriedly putting wrapping paper around the dog] I said don't turn around yet.