4296 - Saturday jokes

The flight attendant sees a suspicious looking couple on board, so she reports it to the Captain immediately.
"Sir, I think we have a case of human trafficking! There is a very pretty, hot and sexy female passenger on board, who looks quite frightened and the man she is with is a fat old slob who looks like a lecher, very sullen, mean and dangerous!"
The captain responds, "Patricia, I've told you this before. This is Air Force One..."


I was really embarrassed when my wife caught me playing with my son's train set all by myself.
In a moment of panic, I threw a bedsheet over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.


Robin: "Batman, this is Robin. I'm calling on the batphone, from the batcave. The batmobile won't start!"
Batman: "Have you checked the battery?"
Robin: "What's a tery?


I had my first parachute jump today and was so terrified! This guy strapped himself to me, we jumped out of the plane and as we plummeted, he said...
"So, how long have you been an instructor?"


Who's the most famous blacksmith of all time?
Will Smith.


A frightened man runs into the KGB offices. “My talking parrot has disappeared!” He yells at the receptionist. “That’s not the type of case we handle, go to the criminal police” she responds. “I know that,” he stammers, “I just wanted to tell you officially that I disagree with everything the parrot says!”


I accidentally swallowed a bunch of Scrabble tiles.
My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster.


Scientists may have discovered a method to extract gold from human waste.
I'm not too sure about it. I'll have to see how this shit pans out.


I'm fine letting other people dot my i's, but crossing my t's?
That's where I draw the line.


I hate when people say, "Obesity runs in my family"
Bullshit! No one runs in your family!


Want to hear a joke about Jehovah's Witnesses?
Knock knock...