4317 - Saturday jokes

If Trump REALLY wanted to lock up Hillary...
He should have just hired her for his campaign staff.


Beer Bottle: You break me, you get 1 year of bad luck!
Mirror: You kiddin' me? You break me, then you get 7 years bad luck!
Condom: BwaHahaha


What causes menstruation?
Typically, it's just an ovaryaction.


A little boy gets on the public bus and sits right behind the bus driver.
The boy keeps saying," If my mom was a cow and my dad was a bull, I'd be a calf. If my mom was a hen and my dad was a rooster, I'd be a chick. If my mom was a doe and my dad was a buck, I'd be a fawn."
The annoyed bus driver stops the bus and turns to the boy, saying, "What if your mom was a whore and your dad was a queer?"
The boy responds, "Then I'd be a bus driver."


My boss is threatening to fire the employee with the worst posture.
I have a hunch it might be me.


A man wants to purchase some farmland but is wary of the bees on the property. The farmer thinks the bees are harmless so he makes the prospective buyer a deal: he'll tie the buyer naked to a tree that has a beehive for an hour, and if any bee stings him, the farmer will GIVE him the land for free.
The farmer ties the buyer up and leaves. He comes back an hour later and finds the buyer nearly unconscious. The farmer asks, "Are you all right?"
The reply: "Doesn't that calf have a mother?"


If anyone ever figured out my secret 4-digit code, I'd be screwed! They'd have my bank pin #, phone unlock code, front door lock code. They'd even know the year I was born!


The farmer wants the bull to get his cow pregnant with a calf. The bull, however, is not interested in that at all and just wants to eat grass all day. The farmer gets the bright idea to try to get the bull feeling frisky himself. He takes his hand and shoves it into the cow's vagina. He then pulls it out and wipes it on the bull's nose, the bull goes crazy and hops right on the cow. Elated, the farmer goes back to his house, eats dinner and gets ready for bed. When he lays down next to his wife he starts feeling kind of frisky himself, but he can't get an erection. He gently reaches down and touches his wife with his hand and wipes it under his nose. He immediately gets hard as a rock and tries to poke his wife with it. His wife jumps out of bed, turns the light on and says "Really Ted!? You woke me up just because you have a bloody nose!?"


Set your WiFi password to 2444666668888888
So when someone asks, tell them it's 12345678.


What do anti-vaxx children play in the pool?
Marco-Polio.


I was watching Jurassic park the other day when I thought, “Not only does my son have a stupid name, but he’s also a rotten driver”.


A man boarded a plane with six kids. After they settled into their seats a woman sitting across the aisle from him leaned over and asked, “Are all of those kids yours?” He replied, “No. I work for a condom company. These are customer complaints.”


I walked in to find my wife breastfeeding our son.
“How long do you have to do that for?” I asked. “When is he too old for it?”
“Well, it’s a physical bond between a mother and her child, isn’t it? It’s only the society that deems it unacceptable above a certain age.”
“Yeah, shut up Joe, I was talking to your mother.”


First day as a car salesman...
Customer, "Cargo space?"
Salesman, "Car no do that. Car no fly."
Manager, "Can I see you in my office?"