4429 - Saturday jokes

I made a 1:1000000 scale model german submarine.
It's a pretty good μ-boat.


The UK Prime Minister just announced her resignation.
This is not surprising. It is the end of May, after all.


I used to be good at telling jokes
But now I always seem to punch up the screwline.


My boyfriend started a bee farm to help save the bees.
I think he's a keeper.


I tried beekeeping once. Worked for a solid week to get everything set up. Not a single one of the bees I planted ever sprouted.


He should be careful. Years ago, there were several reported cases of apiarists developing an unusual type of cataract. They developed quickly and in almost all cases, came close to causing permanent blindness. The oddity, which scientists think is related to the link between the disorder and beekeeping, is that cataracts form in a variety of bright colors, causing a kaleidoscopic effect when looked at. It's actually really pretty -- it's a really rare disorder, so it might be hard to find pictures, but ask around and you'll find a lot of people have heard that beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder.


I think it’s a good idea to wear two different deodorants, one under each armpit.
But that’s just my two scents.


317 days without sex.
Went jogging in flip flops just to remember the sound.


Upon reexamination, groundbreaking research suggests a new theory of dinosaur extinction.
Traffic accidents. Amongst the thousands of dinosaurs unearthed, not one has been found wearing a seat belt.


Twelve monks were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up, naked, in front of all the head monks while a nude model danced before them. Each monk had a small bell attached to his privates, and they were told that anyone whose bell rang would not be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.
The model danced before the first monk candidate, with no reaction. She proceeded down the line with the same response until she got to the final monk. As she danced, his bell rang so loudly it fell off and clattered to the ground. Embarrassed, he bent down to pick it up, and eleven other bells began to ring.


What do you call a fight between an illegal immigrant and a priest?
Alien vs. Predator.


A sperm donor, a carpenter, and Julius Caesar Walked into a bar.
He came, he saw, he conquered.


Not all eye jokes are bad.
Some are cornea than others.


I passed my drug test at work. I'm glad I get to keep my job.
My dealer has some serious explaining to do though.


A group of thieves are going to retail stores and are stealing clothes by sizes.
Police say they are still at large.


My intern keeps on telling customers puns. Recently, he made a really bad pun and a customer turned around and demanded, "Who said that?"
"Pun Intern Did."