4537 - Saturday jokes

Why doesn't any man need more than one rooster?
A cock a dude'll do.


I called two girls hipsters and got slapped.
Apparently, the correct term is "conjoined twins".


I like 25 letters of the alphabet.
But I love u.


I gave my seat up to a blind person on a bus
And that is how I lost my job as a bus driver.


What do you get if you cross Prince Charles and Queen Elizabeth?
Killed in a tunnel.


My girlfriend told me I should treat her like a princess.
So I took her to Paris for the weekend, rented a Mercedes, and drove her into a wall.


What do Mexicans say when they find their keys?
Aquí!


After picking her son up from school one day, the mother asks him what he did at school. The kid replies, "I had sex with my teacher." She gets so mad that when they get home, she orders him to go straight to his room. When the father returns home that evening, the mother angrily tells him the news of what their son had done. As the father hears the news, a huge grin spreads across his face. He walks to his son's room and asks him what happened at school, the son tells him, "I had sex with my teacher." The father tells the boy that he is so proud of him, and he is going to reward him with the bike he has been asking for. On the way to the store, the dad asks his son if he would like to ride his new bike home. His son responds, "No thanks Dad, my butt still hurts."


What's the problem with building a hotel in space?
The price would be astronomical.


My girlfriend dumped me while I was lying down on a treadmill.
She said, "This isn't working out"


A dwarf on the subway was playing music with a perfect beat.
He was a metro-gnome.


I got pulled over and my vape was in my cup holder.
The cop looked at it and said, “You know those things are killing people”.
I laughed and said, "They say the same thing about you guys."


Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Dad, why are you doing that?" His father replied, "Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy. Johnny, looking worried, said, "Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom."


Yo mama so dumb,
She thought innuendo was an Italian suppository.