4544 - Saturday jokes

On the day when we Americans storm Area 51, the Europeans should storm the Vatican Archives.
We'll take on the aliens, they'll take on the predators.


Of course gay men dress well.
They didn't spend all that time in the closet doing nothing.


In an African tribe village, the chieftain's wife gave birth to a white-skinned child.
The chieftain quickly figured the voluntary doctor from Europe might be to blame. So the chieftain asked him to talk in his tent.
Chieftain: "Today my wife gave birth to a white child. She and I are dark-skinned. You are white. It doesn't take a doctor to figure out that you have slept with my wife!"
The doctor remains calm: "The answer lies in genetics. Some genetics have recessive traits, which are not apparent to the parents but may be passed on to the child. For example, last week one of your sheep gave birth to a black sheep."
The chieftain pauses for thinking, then replies: "I tell you what. You say no word about black sheep and I say no word about white child."


I don’t have a “dad bod.”
I have a father figure.


Most people are shocked when they find out how incompetent I am as an electrician.
.
This joke sparked an interest in me.
I can't resist a good pun.
Except amped way up.
I am illuminated.
Wire you so lit up?
This is currently going in circles.
It’s like a circuit of puns.
Or just one big battery of them.
One that’s overloaded with bad puns.
Watt are you even talking about?
The power of the puns in this thread are almost electric.
Just for these puns, you’re all grounded.
Calm it down, it's just Faraday or two.
Drinks are on me, free of charge.
That'll make your bank account go negative.


My therapist told me that I have extreme difficulty in vocalizing my emotions.
Can’t say that I’m surprised.


Bill Gates walks into a bar and everyone inside becomes a millionaire...
...on average.


A man wins $100,000 at Las Vegas.
When he returns home he hides it in his backyard, only to wake up the next morning and find it stolen, with a trail of muddy footprints leading to the mute-deaf a few blocks away. Enraged, he enlists the help of the sign language professor next door, and together, the man armed, they confront the mute-deaf at his door.
"Tell him I want to know where he hid the money!" the man yells.
The professor conveys this to the mute-deaf and he responds with sign language that he hid the money under the cherry tree in his backyard.
The professor turns to the man and says, "He won't tell you. He says that he'd rather die first."


My deaf girlfriend started talking in her sleep again.
Nearly poked my eye out.


Two guys named Ray walk into a bar.
They tell the bartender, “This place sucks, but we’re going to change all that”.
“How’s that?” says the bartender.
“Because we’re Rays in the bar!”


People in Athens always have difficulty waking up.
Dawn is tough on Greece.