"Will you marry me?" Is a marriage proposal.
"Will, You, Mary, Me", is a foursome proposal.
Once I was a male trapped in a female body.
Then I was born.
When I was a child I had a condition where I had to eat mud three times a day in order to survive.
I'm lucky my older brother told me about it.
I visited my friend at his new house. He told me to make myself at home.
So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.
A 5th grader from Mississippi and a 5th grader from New York City got into a fight. Who won?
The 5th grader from Mississippi, because he’s 18 years old.
“Can you please change my grade?”
“Of course,” Tom remarked.
"That was the most awesome sex ever," Tom said sheepishly.
(sex with sheep is ewey)
"I only have diamonds, clubs, and spades," said Tom heartlessly.
"I'm wearing a ribbon around my arm," said Tom with abandon.
"Who discovered radium?" asked Marie curiously.
"I dropped the toothpaste," Tom said crestfallen.
"I'll have another martini," said Tom dryly.
"I forgot the apples and oranges", Tom said fruitlessly.
"I'd rather go skydiving," Tom explained.
"I went swimming in the middle of Paris!" shouted Tom insanely.
"Get me a chocolate, caramel and peanut bar," Tom snickered.
My wife bent over to put the dishes in the dishwasher...
I walked up behind her, placed my crotch in the center of her ass and gave a thrust.
“Excuse me!” she shouted. “I’m trying to put a load in the dishwasher!”
I replied, “Me too”.
If Dodge made an electric car...
Would it be called a Dodge Chargeable?
The conductor of an orchestra came back from his lunch break and saw that his triangle player was brawling with the bassist in the concert hall.
He broke the fight and asked them, “What happened?”
The bassist cried out, “He detuned one of the strings on my bass!”
The conductor replied, “Ok, that’s bad but that doesn’t mean you can go and have a swing at him!”
The bassist retorted, “He wouldn’t tell me which string!”
My stoned friend used my daily planner to roll a joint.
Now he’s high on my list of priorities.
A man got in trouble at work for downloading the complete Wikipedia.
It's OK though, he can explain everything!
Posts
3 comments:
Ha! I especially like that first one.
LOL. . . . but the grade changing one I couldn't figure out. . . . that link at bottom is a handgrenade you troublemaker!
Cloudia - Change the grade - Tom re marked (the grade).
Post a Comment