4655 - Saturday jokes

A man and a woman were traveling in a train.
Woman: Every time you smile, I feel like inviting you to my place.
Man: Aww....! Are you single?
Woman: No, I am a Dentist.


Adam meets a witch.
The witch tells him: "Tell me I am pretty or you will be cursed"!
Adam: "Sorry, but I don't find you attractive."
Witch: "Take that back, or you most surely will be cursed!
Adam: "Nope. You're hideous."
The witch then transformed him into an ant.
Witch: "Look where your rudeness brought you! "
Adam: "Yeah this sucks, but you still look like a moldy potato."
Witch: "Very well, then. You will remain in this form until you repent and call me pretty!"
He is still adamant.


Prince Harry is leaving the royal family to become a painter.
He's going to be the artist formerly known as Prince.


The word ‘Diputseromneve’ may look ridiculous,
But backward it’s even more stupid.


What did the potty training robot say?
Pee poop pee poop.


A man is sitting at home and a police officer knocks on his door.
The officer asks him if he is married and the man replies, "Yes I am."
He then asks him if he has a recent picture of his wife. "Sure hold on a second."
The officer looks at the picture, and in a sad voice says, "I'm sorry, but it looks like your wife has been hit by a train."
The man says, "I know, but she has a good personality and is an excellent cook."


My nephew told me when he grows up, he wants to be a pizza delivery guy or a pool man.
I need to tell my brother to do a better job of hiding his porn.


Wife’s best friend: How come you never buy her flowers?
Me: I didn’t even know she was selling flowers!


When you have diarrhea and feel really bad, just remember this...
Some people are going through some harder shit than you.


Why are monks so good at protesting?
The more ohms you get, the greater the resistance.


I used to work at a company that made tiny measuring devices.
It was a small scale operation.


Did you hear about the butcher who backed into a meat grinder?
He got a little behind in his work.


If Steve Harvey and his relatives ran a kingdom during the Middle Ages...
You'd call it Family Feudalism.


If the new SONY car ever breaks down...
You’ll have to Walkman.


I hate all races.
Especially the 100m dash.


Saw a one armed man shopping in a second hand store.
I told him, you’re not going to find what you’re looking for.


Did you hear the story about the guy who couldn’t see, hear, smell, feel, or taste?
There was no sense to it.


In Las Vegas, people can tithe by dropping casino chips into the offertory.
And at the end of each weekend, there is a Brother that goes around to all the casinos to cash them out.
He's a chip monk.


I never got along with my dad. Kids used to come up to me and say, 'My dad can beat up your dad.'
I'd say, 'Yeah? When?'


IHOP is giving all Mexican men 10% off.
It's their new señor citizen discount.