4710 - Saturday jokes

One time a guy showed me a picture and said, "Here's a picture of me when I was younger".
I told him, "Every picture of you is a picture of you when you were younger".


There are 6.02x10^23 guacas in a guacamole.
Which is also known as avocado’s number.


My girlfriend tried to take a selfie in the shower, but it was too blurry.
She has selfie steam issues.


Lots of violence could have been prevented in the old west
If only cowboy architects had made the towns big enough for everyone.


Why do Native Americans hate April?
Because April showers bring May Flowers, and Mayflowers bring white people.


I told a joke about Coronavirus and nobody laughed.
Except that Chinese kid in the back. He got it.
(And it killed at the old folks home.)


What do you call a gay couch?
A homo sectional.


Yesterday I asked a girl out, but she told me she had a boyfriend.
I responded with "I have a math test tomorrow".
She looked a bit confused so I said, "I thought we were listing things we could cheat on."


Two Irish couples decide to swap partners for the night.
After 3 hours of amazing sex, Brian says, "I wonder how the girls are getting on".


In Mississippi, there's no Reverse Cowgirl.
You don't turn your back on family.


They used to call me "the virgin" until last night's party.
Now they call me "Drunky McShitpants".


A truck carrying Vicks vaporub crashed on the highway.
There was no congestion for hours.


I've been reading 'Lord Of The Rings' and apparently, Gollum was once a normal man, but wearing the ring drained him of his youth, energy and any joy in life.
Must be the same ring I put on when I got married.


I bought my friend four pregnancy tests and they all came out positive, and now she's crying.
She asked me, “How the hell am I going to feed four kids”.


When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset.
“You’re running around with other women,” she told him.
“Eve, honey, you’re being unreasonable,” Adam responded. “You know you’re the only woman on earth.”
The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by a strange pain in the chest. It was his darling Eve poking him rather vigorously about the torso.
“What do you think you’re doing?” Adam demanded.
“Counting your ribs,” said Eve.


Recently a teacher got arrested. The police found a pencil, ruler, and a notebook. Allegedly he was part of the Al-Gebra network and possessed weapons of math instruction.


A Pakistani man found the image of Prophet Muhammad in his tub of margarine.
He showed it to his Chinese neighbor who said, "I can't believe it's not Buddha".


Here's a tutorial on how to fall downstairs.
Step 1, Step 2, Step 4, Step 7, Step 11, Step 14 and Step 18.


At school, I have special powers!
I have constant super-vision.


The World Health Organization has declared that dogs cannot transmit Coronavirus, and there is no reason to quarantine them anymore.
W.H.O. let the dogs out.