Sunday, April 04, 2021

5107 - Long joke Sunday


An Australian Army Recruit sends home a letter. 

Dear Mum & Dad, I am well. Hope youse are too. Tell me big brothers, Doug and Phil, that the Army is better than workin’ on the farm - tell them to get in quick smart before the jobs are all gone! 

I wuz a bit slow in settling down at first, because ya don’t hafta get outta bed until 6am. But I like sleeping in now, cuz all ya gotta do before brekky is make ya bed and shine ya boots and clean ya uniform. 

No cows to milk, no calves to feed, no feed to stack - nothin’!! 

Ya haz gotta shower though, but it's not so bad, coz there’s lotsa hot water and even a light to see what ya doing!

At brekky, ya get cereal, fruit, and eggs but there’s no kangaroo steaks or possum stew like wot Mum makes. You don’t get fed again until noon and by that time all the city boys are dead because we’ve been on a ’route march’ - geez it's only just like walking to the windmill in the back paddock!!

This one will kill me brothers, Doug and Phil, with laughter. I keep getting medals for shootin’ - dunno why. The bullseye is as big as a possum’s bum and it don’t move and it’s not firing back at ya like the Johnsons did when our big scrubber bull got into their prize cows before the Ekka last year! All ya gotta do is make yourself comfortable and hit the target! 

You don’t even load your own cartridges, they comes in little boxes, and ya don’t have to steady yourself against the rollbar of the roo shooting truck when you reload!

Sometimes ya gotta wrestle with the city boys and I gotta be real careful coz they break easy - it’s not like fighting with Doug and Phil and Jack and Boori and Steve and Muzza all at once like we do at home after the muster.

Turns out I’m not a bad boxer either and it looks like I’m the best the platoon’s got, and I’ve only been beaten by this one bloke from the Engineers - he’s 6 foot 5 and 15 stone and three pick handles across the shoulders and as ya know I’m only 5 foot 7 and eight stone wringin’ wet, but I fought him till the other blokes carried me off to the boozer.

I can’t complain about the Army - tell the boys to get in quick before word gets around how good it is.

Your loving daughter, Sheila.


16 comments:

Elephant's Child said...

Our Jillaroos are tough.
Smiling at this. Thanks.

Mike said...

Sue - I didn't know they had a nickname.

Ole Phat Stu said...

That last line took me completely by surprise; well writ!

Mike said...

Stu - Would you believe I wrote this all by myself? No? How about corrected a spelling error?

Bilbo said...

Crickey!

Kathy G said...

I've heard this one before, but I never remember the punch line. Funny stuff.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

The last line was worth reading the whole thing, LOL!

Mike said...

Bill - Sheila probably wrestled crickydiles too.

Kathy - That's me too with jokes in general. "I've heard this before but don't remember the punch line".

Deb - It surprised me!

I'll Take Questions About Idiots for $1000, Alex said...

ONLY ASS-HOLES COMMENT ON SHAW'S SHITTY BLOG.

Mike said...

Alex is dead. Why don't you eat shit and die? That would make a lot of people happy!

Kirk said...

I take it that Sheila's from the Outback.

Mike said...

Kirk - Probably further back than that. Maybe the wayback.

Cloudia said...

Yup!

Mike said...

Cloudia - Are you going to sign up?

allenwoodhaven said...

Didn't see that coming! Good one!

Mike said...

Allen - Don't mess with the Jillaroos.