Sunday, August 08, 2021

5233 - Long joke Sunday

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

DONALD TRUMP: I've been told by my many sources, good sources - they're very good sources - that the chicken crossed the road. All the Fake News wants to do is write nasty things about the road, but it's a really good road. It's a beautiful road. Everyone knows how beautiful it is.

JOE BIDEN: Why did the chicken do the...thing in know the rest.

SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he's a maverick!

BARACK OBAMA: Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their eggs they can keep their eggs. No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her eggs. Period.

AOC: Chickens should not be forced to lay eggs! This is because of corporate greed! Eggs should be able to lay themselves.

HILLARY CLINTON: What difference at this point does it make why the chicken crossed the road.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or against us. There is no middle ground here.

DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken.

AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white?

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he is acting by not taking on his current problems before adding any new problems.

ANDERSON COOPER: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?


Cloudia said...

Thanks Mike

Mike said...

Cloudia - A na m asị gị nnọọ

BootsandBraids said...

I concur with Dr. Phil :-)

Mike said...

Shirley - I can hear Dr. Phil saying that with conviction!

Elephant's Child said...

I am with Hilary Clinton - which isn't always the case.

Mike said...

Sue - I still think Biden should make Hillary Attorney General.

Bohemian said...

OMG I was LMAO at a great majority of those! Not only is it an excellent Joke you could use for almost any Question, it drives how perspective is everything and you could get many different answers to damned near any Question posed, depending on who you ask.

Mike said...

Dawn - Reminds me of the old saying 'opinions are like assholes, everybody's got one.

Ol' Simmons said...

Saw this awhile back and had to go look it up. "Howard Cosell: It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to homosapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurrence."

John A Hill said...

Good ones, including the Howard Cosell addition.

Mike said...

Simmons - Nice addition. But drivers like to call homosapien pedestrians, targets.

John - Your job, should you accept it, is to find another one. (Tape burns up)

Kirk said...

Hah! The last one was the best one.

Mike said...

Kirk - The Colonel is efficient.

Kathy G said...

I heard this one years ago, but it had a different cast of characters. I like your version.

Mike said...

Kathy - Would you believe it only took me a half an hour to write all those? OK, how about 1 minute to cut and paste?

Lady M said...

Ha - those are all great. You nailed Trump!

Mike said...

Lady - We'll have to give credit to an unknown author.