I tried to get 9/11 moved to Friday but couldn't get any cooperation. So I'll start with a link to a short newspaper article with some good pictures about the 7,582 flags in front of the St. Louis Art Museum on Art Hill.
There is a link in the article to the flags of valor site.
And then there is this picture taken by my nephew, Kevin Funk, who happened to be at Art Hill at the right time.
(make it bigger)
(Moment of silence here)
Now something to get your mind off of 9/11 for just a little bit.
Her: We need to eat at a different cafeteria.
Him: Why?
Her: They have the Heimlich maneuver printed on the back of the menu.
There are two typos of people in the world.
Those who notice spelling mistakes, and those who don't.
When life hands you lemons, hand them back.
You deserve chocolate.
A woman took her 3-year-old boy shopping. When they got home, he had a chocolate bar in his pocket. She didn’t buy it and he certainly didn’t buy it. So she took him straight back to the shopping center and let him loose in the jewelry store.
Family Tree of Vincent van Gogh :
His dizzy aunt: Verti Gogh.
The brother who loved prunes: Gotta Gogh.
The brother who worked in a convenience store: Stop ’n Gogh.
The grandfather from Serbia: U Gogh.
His magician uncle: Where Diddy Gogh.
His Mexican cousin: A Mee Gogh.
His Mexican cousin’s American half-brother: Gring Gogh.
The nephew who drove a stagecoach: Wells Far Gogh.
The constipated uncle: Can’t Gogh.
The ballroom dancing aunt: Tang Gogh.
The bird fancier uncle: Flaming- Gogh.
The enthusiastic aunt: Way To Gogh.
The little bouncing nephew: Po Gogh.
The sister who loved disco: Go Gogh.
The brother with low back pain: Lum Bay Gogh.
The niece who travels the country in an RV: Winnie Bay Gogh.
What do you say when anti-vaxxers die of COVID?
Asses to ashes.
Husband: What will you give me for our 25th anniversary?
Wife: A trip to Paris.
Husband: Wow! That's great! How about our 50th?
Wife: I'll pick you back up.
It's been brought to my attention that I may have offended some of you.
I apologize, I meant to offend all of you.
What would you have if every car in the country was painted PINK?
A Pink Carnation.
(Did you start singing the song?)
Do you ever go out, and while you're out, you think, "This is exactly why I don't go out"?
You know you're lowering your expectations as a parent when you no longer want to raise a future president but just want someone who flushes the toilet.
It's my first time in court. I heard the judge saying, "ORDER!"
I replied, "Rice, Chicken, and Juice."
Now two police officers are escorting me outside.
I think we're going to the restaurant.
For most of human history, our vehicles had an automatic stopping system to take us home and ensure we didn't crash when we were drunk or sleeping.
Then we got rid of the horse.
The first five florists I called from the phone book knew nothing about carpet or tile.
And suddenly, I'M the idiot?!
Who makes the sandwiches in a lesbian relationship? No one, they eat out!
Elton John is my favorite musician.
Great on the piano,
sucks on the organ!
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
A Lickalotapus.
The only dinosaur that didn't do any kind of physical labor is mybackisaur.
Question: Do infants enjoy their infancy in the same way as adults enjoy their adultery?
Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m OK, but I feel like I’ve died a little inside.
So apparently RSVP-ing to a wedding invite with “Maybe next time” wasn't the best response.
A good pun is its own reword.
I've hardly done anything on my bucket list.
I think I'll change the B to an F.
Daughter: Mom is it true the baby comes out the same hole the penis goes in?
Mom: Yes, that's true honey.
Daughter: So, will it break my teeth?
Woman's ass size study...
10% - think their ass is too skinny.
30% - think their ass is too big.
60% - say they don't care, they love him as he is.
Me: Time to relax and get into bed.
The Internet: Want to read something upsetting first?
Me: Yes, obviously!
If you're paying five dollars for a bottle of SmartWater, it's probably not working!
I know a guy that got a job making plastic draculas.
He told me that there were only two of them on the production line, so he had to make every second Count.
I hate when I can't figure out how to operate the iPad and I've already put the resident expert to bed.
I keep seeing 'TIA' everywhere.
Can someone tell me what it stands for?
Thanks in advance.
My wife found out that our dog (a Schnauzer) could hardly hear, so she took it to the veterinarian. The vet found that the problem was hair in the dog's ears.
He cleaned both ears, and the dog could then hear fine. The vet then proceeded to tell Andrea that, if she wanted to keep this from recurring, she should go to the store and get some "Nair" hair remover and rub it in the dog's ears once a month.
Andrea went to the store and bought some "Nair" hair remover.
At the register, the pharmacist told her, "If you're going to use this under your arms, don't use deodorant for a few days."
Andrea said, "I'm not using it under my arms."
The pharmacist said, "If you're using it on your legs, don't use body lotion for a couple of days."
Andrea replied, "I'm not using it on my legs either.
If you must know, I'm using it on my Schnauzer."
The pharmacist said, "Well, stay off your bicycle for at least a week.
Can anyone tell me the actor's name who played Forest Gump?
T.hanks
I’m reading a horror story in Braille. Something bad is about to happen… I can feel it.
The invention of glue...
Guy 1: You know, I bet if we melt a horse, we could use it to stick stuff to other stuff.
Guy 2: Dude... are you feeling OK?
Guy1: Wanna hear my Batman impression?
Guy2: Sure
Guy1: OH NO! Kryptonite!
Guy2: That's Superman.
Guy1: Thanks, man. I've been practicing.
Customer: Waiter, my soup is cold.
Waiter: It's gazpacho.
Customer: Gazpacho, my soup is cold.
Jesus: Another water, please.
Bartender: Not this shit again.
They've found the school Shakespeare probably went to.
School in Shakespeares' day and age was vastly different than today.
In fact, it was far easier,
because he didn't have to study Shakespeare.
A friend of mine invested in butt jokes. He lost everything. It nearly rectum.
How long do you think it's going to take the police sketch artist to figure out that I'm describing him?
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10 comments:
Laughter never goes astray. Thank you.
Thanks for the laughs.
Diner: Waiter! There's a fly in my soup.
Waiter: Don't worry. He won't eat much.
Sue - So true.
Shaw - Diner: Waiter! What's this fly doing in my soup.
Waiter: Looks like the backstroke.
Thanks for the laughs on this solemn day.
Well needed laughs. The court order and the police sketch artist are great ideas! Thanks!
Kathy - We needed them.
Allen - I thought the police sketch artist one would be fun to do in real life.
Nair on the Schnauzer is a classic. And Agnes fully agrees with the 60%.
Bill - Agnes sounds pretty smart. Maybe she'll let you pet her Schnauzer.
Some good ones there - thank you 😁
CC - Thanks.
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